I had to forgive my father
After I became a Christian I had to forgive my father. For being irresponsible. For the suffering he brought us through his philandering and gambling. For the anguish, hardship and tears my mother went through. For being absent in my life. Yes absent when I needed attention, approval and direction……when I needed a father’s self-disclosure and love. I don’t ever remember a time when he brought me out alone to do something or just share who he is and what he has done; give me his assessment of and express affection for me; tell me his stories and struggles. I just forgave him recently for this last part…..so many years after he has passed away. What we forgive our fathers of, we will be delivered from.
I am grateful though that I inherited his mild and patient nature and sharp mind. Thankful for a vague but fond snippet of remembering him sitting on the bed reading a fairy tale to me. Of him telling me that I am good at writing. Of him paying for correspondence courses to improve my grades. He was not all rotten; he could be kind too.
Forgiveness helped to turn contempt for my father into honor. It helped me to accept and be at peace with him. I think it helped me to be a better parent. I am not the best father I can be; but a cracked vessel with grace leaking through. I still need to stretch, to 
grow in self-disclosure with my kids. They write nice things about me in the card at every birthday, but I feel there is room, and time (even though they are older now) to ripen in my fatherhood. I covet your prayers.
And if you are a father, bring your children out individually and do something together, even if it is just to eat. Then share your life in self-disclosure. And listen. Silent impact. You can help them fly. I mean for about twenty years these children will be with you and you can’t bring each one out once a year? How many children do you have? I am beginning to preach….a professional hazard….you can’t blame me, can you?
And needless to say if you choose someone to be your spouse do make sure he or she is addicted to Jesus and Jesus only.
3 comments December 17th, 2007
