a new Christian dating practice?
May 25th, 2008
I heard that a book on dating and courtship for Christians advocates that a guy interested in courting a girl should first meet up with the girl’s parents to seek their permission. When I heard that, I was dumbfounded. I try to imagine myself in the guy’s shoes. Gathering up courage to approach a young lady itself is a major feat. To ask their parents for permission? From where do I summon the courage to do that? And isn’t that premature? But assuming I do find the strength to do that, and mumble feebly my intentions to the parents, what will they think of me?
Now I put myself in the parents’ shoes and imagine what I will feel. I will think it odd but interesting that the guy would ask for my permission to court my daughter. I will feel respected or in some way acknowledged as having some kind of role or say in the process of courtship, or at least in its commencement. I will feel somewhat relieved or anxious as I get acquainted with the guy who plans to court my daughter. I will try to be objective, but half-suspect that subjective parental anxiety will interfere. Despite all this, I will probably not be able to say, “No, you are not allowed to do so because…..” or “Yes you may but send me a weekly report” but rather, “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be praying for you guys.”
And when they have left, I’ll ask my wife: “What do you think of that guy?”
I wonder what the daughter will be feeling about this “asking for parent’s permission” bit.
What about you?
Entry Filed under: Life
Interesting idea. Father of a daughter myself, I am inclined to support this. For 3 reasons,
1) It helps parents to know who is dating their girl. Asking ‘permission’ is not only respecting the parent but also respecting the boy who is willing to do this.
2) The daughter maybe feel more secure that her parents have met her date and know that she is with him.
3) Transparency and accountablity are popular words today, no reason why it can’t happen in the dating world. Or would the romance be lost….
Supportive of this idea.
My parents would be pleased with this first move too.
It shows that the guy is serious about this courtship and has plans to take it further into marriage one day.
i’ve made known to my daughter, age 15, that should she be interested in a guy or that she thinks they might start a relationship/courtship, to let me know in advance. there was no objection on her part. in other words, i’d like to know that she may be starting courtship with so and so anytime soon as she can ’sense’ his approach. talk about a girl’s 6 sense! as for the guy to come and ask of my permission, would be a bonus! when i was a teenager myself, just before i turned 21, i knew of a girlfriend whose parents will make any guy who wants to go out with their daughter to pick her up at their home so that the parents can have a look at him, not to mention if it was a date or not, even if we were going out in a group!
at least in this area, i hope and pray that this christian dating is making our world a better place to live in 
i’m for it and i’ll have to train my son, now only 12, in future to seek permission before he dates a girl…
actually, it’s not that their relationship will lead to anything, it’s early to tell anyway but to know what sort of company my daughter is in.
I believe this is the way to go, but it is so difficult especially if the girl is not exposed to such a practice. Is it possible for the church to teach the youth/young adults on this subject of courtship? While I’ve read books on the topic, I do not know of any adults that practice this in Singapore who are willing to guide the younger ones in this direction.
Any practical steps?
Joel
You are absolutely right. I do not know of any adults who practice this either.
Perhaps mentoring is the way to go. Members having mentors before and during courtship, and after marriage too. Sharing of life all through. Too idealistic?