Who is Sumiko?

Can a pastor learn anything from Singapore’s “most famous single woman”? Ms Sumiko Tan, 46, is a Straits Times editor. Her Sunday Times column, which began in July 1994, is famous and with it she has grown a mega fan base. Like a confession booth to which the public has access instead of a priest, she bares her soul and pours out the angst of a successful but lonely single career woman. The public always grants her absolution. The single woman identifies with her pain; the single man wants to rescue her from her emotional plight; the marrieds feel they have made the right choice in getting married and having children.

One blogger, Jeremy Yew, says this about her:

“Let’s face it folks, Sumiko Tan’s column is Singapore’s favourite and most well-known real-life soap opera. Her musings on life, and especially on love, or the lack of it, have been well-documented in the Sunday Times. We all read her columns because she’s the only one who dares to bare her soul to the nation. Very few things in life resonate better with an audience than someone telling the world that she has not been able to find true love. Sumiko wasn’t afraid to tell Singapore about her inability to find a life partner and her immense regret that she may have missed the proverbial boat”.

People want authenticity

In a way, she was a blogger ahead of her times. She shared her life as it was. No mask. No veneer. It took courage to be open and honest, for it made her vulnerable to personal attacks from online hate forums. The rewards of doing so are greater than the risks. Her fans feel a close emotional bond to her. Thousands of singles could relate and identify with her feelings and that alone was very helpful for them. With her recent plan to marry, many found joy, comfort and hope. She helps her readers because of her transparency in sharing her trials and tribulations and secret feelings. Look at this example from “Feeling Half A Woman”:

“Again, it’s not that I look on enviously at couples. I really don’t. I’m happy with my life. But once in a while, it hits me that maybe there’s something wrong with me. It doesn’t matter how I love my single life. It doesn’t matter that I have all the personal space in the world. It doesn’t matter what I’ve achieved in my career. It doesn’t matter how I know it’s better to be alone than to be alone in a marriage. It doesn’t matter that I’ve seen how marriage isn’t a binding contract or a guarantee of a happy-ever-after. It doesn’t matter how many boyfriends I’ve had or might have. It doesn’t matter if there are men who care for my well-being. The fact remains that I am not married, and I say this not in a self-pitying way but as an acknowledgment of a, to me, puzzling fact. And the fact remains that no one has been mad enough about me – and I for him – for us to embark on a journey together. The fact remains that no matter how fun singlehood is, there are nights when I lie in my nice big bed all by my lonesome self (well, actually my dog sleeps with me), and think: Is there something wrong with me? Is this all there is to life? Why aren’t I married? Am I not good enough? Am I not lovable enough? Am I not capable of loving deeply and permanently? Have I been too fussy? Do I have bad karma? Don’t I deserve more? My mother was married, my sister is married, Michelle Obama is married, the woman who cleans the office pantry is married, so many ‘normal’ women are married, why not me? Have I failed as a woman? Am I inadequate?”

A dash of transparency in the pulpit

We need a little of this kind of transparency from our pulpits. Not every Sunday please. Just occasionally. Pastors do not share such personal disclosures because they feel it is unprofessional. Or they are plain afraid to let people know who they really are. They fear they will lose the trust of the congregation and therefore their ability to disciple them. The vulnerability and risks are too much for most to accept. Or their church culture does not allow it. They do not want to be misunderstood of navel-gazing. Or they subscribe to a teaching that frowns on confessions of weakness or negativity.

Bible examples

The Bible gives a few examples when great men bared their souls without shame. It was said of Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane, “…he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”(Matt 26:37,38). Paul the apostle bared his heart, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death” and, “we were harassed at every turn – conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us…”(2 Cor 1:8,9;  7:5,6). They talked about overwhelming sorrow and pressure, the feeling of hopelessness, of fear and depression. They were secure and did not feel like they had to project success and victory all the time.

Pastors baring their souls

We pastors should bare our souls every now and then about our journey. Our congregation needs to identify with us in our struggles and weaknesses, our journey of failure and not just victory. This will build solid bonds of intimacy and trust. It will also lubricate discipleship and spiritual formation. In addition, authenticity is what modern believers are searching for and they know instinctively that the “know it all” and “have sorted it all” kind of preacher are not real but fake projections. We need to own up.

This is what pastors can learn from Sumiko Tan: allowing the church family to know us as we really are; and allowing them to accept and love us despite what is known. This is healing and wholeness for us and for the church.

Someone who had been listening to messages of both Joseph Prince of New Creation Church and Kong Hee of City Harvest Church (pastors of the two largest churches in Singapore), made an interesting comment to me.

He said, “When I listen to Joseph Prince, I feel confidence and empowered.” “When I listen to Kong Hee, I feel challenged and want to live for the Lord”.

Marry their preaching strengths

The way he said it made me think: we should marry the two of them. Pastor Joseph Prince is great at preaching the indicatives. He loves exalting who Christ is and what He has accomplished for us through His death and resurrection.  Pastor Kong Hee, on the other hand is great at preaching the imperatives- what believers can do now that they are in Christ. He is an inspiring and persuasive speaker. You inevitably feel motivated about doing whatever he is exhorting you to do: the will of God. All indicatives and no imperatives give rise to under-challenged, passive Christians; and too much imperatives give rise to over-worked, joyless Christians. If the two strengths can be married in regular pastoral preaching and teaching, it will grow Christians who are steadfast and  joyful  in witness and service.

St Paul’s way

The book of Romans has most of its indicatives in chapters 3-11 and its imperatives in chapters 12-15. St Paul talked about what Christ had accomplished and who we are in Christ, and then went on to show us how then we needed to respond. The pivotal verse was Romans 12: 1,2. “Now that I have talked about the indicatives, here are the imperatives!”(the blogpastor translation). A good balance of indicatives and imperatives informed his letter writing to the churches. This should inform our preaching. The indicatives empower us by inspiring and strengthening our faith, hope and love. The imperatives give direction to our spiritual energies and renewed love.

Wise “one talent” pastors

Even if God may not have given all pastors “five talent” abilities like these two have been given, “one or three talents” pastors can still learn to optimise their effectiveness by preaching the indicatives and imperatives according to the needs of the congregations.

Most churches have been influenced in the past decade to give the people imperatives, or as Martin Luther would call, “Law” messages – what you should do and shouldn’t do as Christians; or moralistic sermons, as others would characterize them. These churches should start preaching more of the indicatives, about what Christ has done for and in us, to redress the imbalance in the past diet.

Great, healthy churches need a wise dosage of indicatives and imperatives.

Is secret in the method?
Some say that the secret of life changing preaching lies in verse by verse preaching, and preaching through the Bible, book by book.  It is still vaunted that expository preaching is the only way to change lives and grow a church. Then recently Rick Warren have popularised the user-friendly sermon. Of course, accusations of compromise and watering down of the truth swirled around this method. Preaching of the Readers’ Digest sermon with its practical “How to” themes, made sermons more accessible to unbelievers and even believers too but did it really change lives at a deeper level?

Content not methodology
I noticed a cry in the wilderness in recent years. It is a cry for preachers and pastors to preach a gospel-centered and Christ exalting message. I hear it mainly from the reformed and other charismatic pastors. They point us to content not to methodology. There is something here all preachers need to really grasp. When they do it will bring much blessing to their congregations.

Tim Keller on preaching the gospel
Listen to this teaching by Tim Keller. I first heard him at the Global Leadership Summit, Singapore. He gave a word that affirmed what God had been stirring in my heart about the need for Singapore churches to be more “indicative” in their preaching and less “imperative”, as they tend to be now. Tim Keller was speaking at a conference for pastors and the main outline of his talk is that good preaching must be (1) Gospel-centered, (2) Christ-centered, (3) Life-changing on the spot, (4) Culturally transforming. Its about an hour long, with questions and answers at the end.

Tim Keller Feb’09: Preaching the Gospel from Newfrontiers on Vimeo.

Church pastors and leaders do not need policing. If we elect leaders or appoint pastors, then we need to trust them, encourage them and pray for them. If you don’t trust them and have to police them, why appoint them in the first place?

When things are not doing well, leaders feel bad enough as it is. They don’t need more “awareness”, condemnation and discouragement piled on them.

Otherwise, we are no different from the world system: silent when things are fine; but a deafening, draining cacophony when things aren’t.

There are enough check and balances in any organization under the Charities Act.

God is the biggest check and balance and nothing escapes His eyes and He will balance all accounts on that Day, if not earlier.

I dream of AGMs where the silent majority who appreciates what the leaders are doing will speak up and not be silent. Its been too long that the floor is dominated by a vocal minority. The angels will be on tiptoe to listen in when such a choir of faith-full and hope-full voices is heard.

Some say that God is grieved when he sees the way AGMs are conducted. Others say God stopped attending AGMs long long ago because they are so far from what the church was meant to be. They say He has better things to do, and many young people feel the same way He does.

Business has to be done. The AGM is a requirement. I know, and let’s do it.

I just dream that it can be infused with a spirit of love. That there will be a display not of fireworks but of honor for the office of the leaders who serve the church.

I dream of a day when members realize the way they treat pastors reflect how they treat Jesus, and Father God.  Jesus had said, “He who welcomes you, welcomes me, and he who welcomes me, welcomes Him who sent me”. Yes, its that simple.

May the spirit of Caleb and Joshua lead the way when it comes to approving the budget. After all, the soundest logic, the most thoroughgoing financial prudence, is the one that factors in the greatness of God. This was what stumbled the ten tribal leaders that Moses sent to spy the land:  GOD’S PROMISES were not factored into their calculators.

Many a young man’s dream of being a pastor have probably sunk on the shoals of rocky AGMs. Young people are smart and they figure, “This is not the way to do the church, and this is not worth giving up my life for”.

And one day in the same AGM we will be talking about why many talented, smart young Christian people would rather be lawyers, doctors, and accountants, rather than be pastors.

Yes I dare dream of a day when unpleasant AGMs are a thing of the past, and the church has AGMs where members enjoy( not endure) attending, and are safe for young people under 18 to attend.

“Wake up, wake up.”

“It’s 8 already, better get up and go to work”.