Looking forward to silent retreat in Seven Fountains

Air fares to Chiangmai are daylight robbery. Direct flights would easily cost upward of SGD$300 even rising to SGD$600 in peak season. For anything under SGD$300 you would have to include a stopover, which meant a long wait at a Bangkok airport.

This was what I was rudely made aware of as I tried to book a flight to Chiangmai in mid-July. It’s not the school holidays; it is the rainy season, so I thought it would be inexpensive. SIA’s direct flight was close to SGD$500. By God’s grace, the God must have brought to my mind Scoot.  Thank the Lord, I have finally managed to get a Scoot ticket for SGD$350. I was over the moon.

I am heading to Seven Fountains Ignatian Center for a 8 days retreat and rest. The pastoral ministry does take a toll on most of us, and we all do need that time-out to rest, sleep, eat, drain out and process the negative emotions and experiences, deal with the shadows in our life, draw closer to God and feel His unconditional love, practical care and the peace that passes all understanding. To know Him more, to love Him more, to follow Him more closely.

One feature of the prayer grounds in Seven Fountains

Why is it important to have an experienced priest or minister trained in spiritual direction to accompany you? Most times, we are violent towards ourselves – condemning ourselves, pitying ourselves, angry with ourselves, regretting missed opportunities and mistakes. It can get depressive and self-harming. A director would be quick to spot that, alert you, and direct you gently to green pastures and still waters of God’s mercy and grace. They will help you be more gentle with yourself. No more bashing of oneself but rather basking in the grace and love of God.

I am thankful the church I serve, World Revival Prayer Fellowship, gives its pastoral staff five days paid leave and a reimbursement of up to $600 for directed retreats annually. This has been very helpful. I wish such an enlightened policy had been around when I was new in the ministry. The purification, the healing, the strengthening of faith, and simply the rest of mind, body and emotions all add up to a restorative, redemptive, regenerative time in the Lord. I always return with more grace, more peace, more love, more resolve, more energy. Always! And the church people benefits when their pastor is renewed in the Lord, or is more in love with the Lord, or simply more rested in body and soul.

Focal points for Good Friday and Easter

Lovely creation using cloth: black symbolising death and white symbolising the righteousness of God.

I must admit to feeling regret that this year I had not paid as much attention to Lent and Holy Week, particularly Good Friday and Easter. I sighed and felt drawn to some of the pictures I received on WhatsApp. These are pictures that demonstrated careful attention to aesthetics in worship. These arrangements inspires us to draw near to Jesus. They seem to draw us towards greater devotion and adoration because they point us to a pivotal turning point in salvation history. They point us to God we can relate to easily and who gives us hope: a suffering and victorious God.

Easter – the risen Christ carrying us on His shoulders

The traditional churches are much better at this. There is something we can learn from them. In the liturgical calendar these would be the high points of the year, requiring much preparation and inspiring longing and anticipation. It could be viewed as an annual corporate means of grace for renewal. The repentance and prayerful devotion of Lent, leading to meditation on the passion of our Lord, will lead us to humble ourselves and renew our first love for Jesus. And Easter is when we allow the resurrection power to revive us afresh to new life. 

Good Friday: For God so loved the world He gave us His Son!

Above are some of the beautiful arrangements of worship focal points in the main sanctuaries or other halls. They are all from the Evangelical Sisterhood of Mary branch in Australia. How lovely  are Thy dwelling places!

(Photo Credits: Juyoung )

Chau Son Retreat 2019 diary

My wife and I went to the Chau Son Cistercian Monastery in Dalat, Vietnam for a silent retreat. Going on a retreat has always been a delight. Often the Lord surfaces issues and sets us free. We feel His presence much more and receive life-giving insights. This is a diary of my retreat.

Mon, 3rd Dec 2018

It is interesting to get acquainted with fellow pilgrims who have decided to make a retreat. They come because they sense a desire to make one. Some came on the suggestion of someone they looked up to. A few felt a deep need to do so. Others like me do it as part of a personal rule of life – a customized pattern of living that makes space for God in your life.

Our lives intersect because we are journeying together in the next seven days of slowing down to reflect and pray. Today I met other serious seekers of God. Conversations with people who love the Lord made this day of travel a pleasant and inspiring one.

The day past rather quickly. My wife and I left home at about 8.30am and after a leisurely breakfast arrived at Changi Airport Terminal 4 at 10am for a group check in. This went smoothly and soon we were in a Vietnam Airlines international flight that went 1 hour 45 minutes. This was followed by a 35 minutes domestic flight from Ho Chi Minh to Dalat. The final leg was a bus trip of an hour, arriving at the Chou Son Cistercian Monastery at about 8pm. There we were served a lovely supper of beef and carrot stew, with French baguette, and rambutan.

The usual retreat room with bed, desk, chair, cupboard, attached bathroom. Except that the bed included a mosquito net.

Earlier in the bus, we had drawn lots and each of us chose our own room. This way everyone found it easier to accept the room whatever view it had. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s room. Hopefully the transparency helped. Soon we settled into our respective rooms, and retired for the night.

Except that I am here writing this daily log. Why am I doing this? Do I need a reason. I felt like doing it that’s all.

Tuesday, 4th Dec 2018

All I remembered of the night was how it turned cold in the early hours of dawn and I had to get up and wear my down jacket. Before I knew it, I awoke a little late and hurried to a breakfast of baguette, fried eggs, cheese and cilantro and local Vietnamese coffee. Silence only begins after the afternoon briefing, so chatter filled the dining hall.

Since many of us were new to this place, we were broken into groups and brought around the monastery to familiarise us with the various spaces. They showed us the places where we were to have our gatherings for the morning Mass (Eucharist), the briefing hall, the night prayers. We moved around the grounds of large fish ponds, pine forests and vegetable farms set against lovely forested mountains, bright blue skies and fluffy clouds. We were shown where the Cistercian brothers and monks lived, which was out of bounds for us. We saw many of the brothers landscaping a grotto and working the fields. Ora labora – prayer and labour is integral for a monk’s formation. I felt so grateful to be in such a conducive and inspiring environment for a silent prayer retreat of seven days.

The Chau Son monastery complex with the fish pond in the foreground

The estimate is that the property is the size of about 92 football fields. That is a lot of land to walk around and many prayer spots, pavilions and seats for reflection and relaxation. Outside the main entrance the road leads out to more land and plantations that belong to the monastery. This is a gift of God and the legacy of the French colonial past of Vietnam.

During the Mass, out of respect for the Catholics, we who are Evangelicals did not partake of the Mass but went forward for a prayer of blessing instead. We signified this by crossing our arms across our chest (sign language for “love”) so that the celebrant knew we went forward for a blessing. From tomorrow onwards the daily Mass was at 6.30am. I need to set the alarm for sure.

The morning briefing began with an exercise where we were partnered up and each took turns to be blindfolded and led by the other. I thought only youth campers did such things but we did it anyway and learned afresh the meaning of trusting God step by step despite our fears. There were 28 retreatants and 6 spiritual directors. In the morning we were asked to make a list of our spiritual directors in order of preference, and whether we were open to being assigned any of them as the Lord led. By afternoon they announced who our spiritual directors were. Mine was Sister Elizabeth, a well-known Sister of the Good Shepherd. After the dismissal the Silence commenced.

The night prayer was at 7.30pm every evening and I got a sweet taste of it. Silence, examen, adoration and praise and contemplation. It ended with thanksgiving and joyful singing. That was one hour that went quickly. After that I walked straight to the open field in front of the lake view and looked up into the night sky: the stars, oh the stars! It was awesome. Some of us would look up at the stars almost every night. It is now 9pm. I had better retire now. Good night Lord.

Wed 5th Dec 2018

This morning I met my spiritual director Sis Elizabeth. She has been in the ecumenical scene for decades, having years of experience as a spiritual director and herself involved in training spiritual directors too. We had a good rapport and we were able to establish trust rapidly. I talked about the wonders of Chau Son and how grateful I was to God for the way He arranged for me to be here in this beautiful, massive space with scenic views of lakes, mountain, and farmland. The mountain air was cool and refreshing. I also talked about a few issues that emerged during the silent night prayer. We talked about what these were and how the Lord might want to reveal the meaning of these emerging emotions.

Buried two tiles with words that symbolised the disordered affections the Lord wants buried.

Later, when I was alone the Lord dropped an idea to do an act of burial to symbolize the surrender of two disordered affections that the Lord has revealed. After I did the burial, a joy gradually welled up within me. A sense of being set free from a heavy burden. A peace and freedom to let God be God, and to surrender the future. Later, as I walked around the lake, I felt a lightness and a joy bubbling forth. Right after the burial, I sat down and was given another idea of what to do with the other issue that had surfaced. Tomorrow I will write on a stone the size of a bowl and throw it into the deep lake. Meanwhile I will let what I have already done sink in. I will relive that whole burial experience and relish it more deeply.

Thursday, 6th Dec 2018

I am so grateful to God for the idea of another symbolic act – throwing a medium sized stone into the lake from the pavilion. I heard a plonk sound that seemed to indicate deep waters. The reading from Isaiah 45 was “I will remove the shame”. My thirty eight years of ministry and leadership had its mistakes, failures and shortcomings. So many that  I can run a course on how not to do ministry. That morning that invisible load of shame sunk into the redeeming waters of the lake of God’s grace and forgiveness.

Deep into the waters of God’s forgiveness and redeeming love

Later in the evening, as I pondered more deeply over this, I felt a joy spring forth when this sweet thought sprung to mind: on the day of Judgment, none of these mistakes, failures and shortcomings will be brought up for discussion or judgment. It is all under the blood of Christ.

I will henceforth reject any return to such dark, discouraging brooding. I am trusting God for a forgetfulness that will surprise me some day in the future.

Friday, 7th December 2018

On advice of my director, I rewrote Psalm 139 into a God first-person song to me. Re-paraphrasing the Psalm as though God

The Lord is lovingly and constantly gazing on us with loving attention

was addressing me. Then I recorded what I wrote and listened to it over and over. Gradually it grew in me, this sense that I am somebody special, and deeply loved by God. He took so much forethought, design and passion to make me. He watched over me everywhere I went, interested in everything about me, or that happened to me, that I said to others, and how I behaved. He laid his hands on me to bless me, He guided me so I do not go astray, He held me fast when I was going through very tough times. He was always cheering me on and celebrating even the small wins as thought they were monumental advances. And He will lead me to the everlasting way whenever I seem to go astray.

Sat 8th December 2018

Jesus meant for life to be simple but we have complicated it. The apostle John saw it: trust in Jesus Christ, and love one another.

We were made in God’s image and likeness. God is love, but sin in the world has distorted that likeness in us so that we tend to become self-centred destructive people.

Jesus came to cancel our sins and restore that image and likeness of love. He shed the Holy Spirit upon us and poured out the love of God, so that we are capable of being loving again.

It’s that simple and this love can be incarnated in us by His Spirit and expressed in a down to earth, sweat-tears-and-blood, practical love. One act at a time, and day after day. To do this I have to live in the present – not in the past nor in the future. To be aware now of what I hear, see, touch, smell, taste and to respond with God’s practical love in every situation. We moderns tend to elevate the world of thought and ideas and intellect. We do it at the expense of being aware of the physical and emotional dimension which God has designed as equally important elements of wholeness.

One of many stones with words left behind by seekers and lovers of God

I reviewed fast motion my whole life and bathed it in the light of God’s presence and care and knowledge of me. It cast my whole timeline and memories with the grace and a personal caring love of God for me the unique individual. If God was with me showing such absurd, undeserved love, then He will be with me in the remaining days and years of my life. No need to fear.

Sunday 9th December 2018

Woke up early to catch the Cistercian monks do the Laudes (meditation) at 4:30am. They chanted in Vietnamese and it was beautiful, devotional, serene, reverent. They sat, stood, bowed, kissed the Bible, and they sang. For a good half an hour of singing and reading scriptures. I soaked in the interesting atmosphere of adoration.

I looked at the many monks and noticed that many were young men. I was impressed. I pray they will continue to grow and persevere in the faith that is in Christ Jesus.

My sketch of Jesus and St Menas

Last night’s prayer hour, they introduced a beautiful icon showing Jesus with his hand over the shoulder of St Menas, a martyr. This ancient painting transported me to a time when a picture is worth a thousand words. There is so much meaning beneath the surface: the pose, the eyes, what they both carried, and the gaze. I found it fascinating and felt drawn to do a sketch of the icon. Alongside this I first read John 15 where Jesus said to the disciples that He no longer called them servants but friends. That hand on St Menas shoulder made him feel comforted, honoured, special, strong and wanted. Jesus wants to be my Friend. This awesome privilege hit me with added force.

Monday 10th Dec 2018

I gather the fruit of the seven days of silent retreat. It was two movements: one a setting free from two attachments: and the other, a movement towards following Jesus in his practical love more closely.

Freedom from what ties or weighs one down

The Lord has done wonders in me breaking me free from the weights of the past and the future. Retreat does wonders in surfacing issues for the Lord to clean up or set us free. We do not need to come with an agenda if there seems to be none. Often we are so busy that we are often unaware of weights and issues that are harmful to us and others. Silence and solitude gives God the space and opportunity to raise these to our awareness. This is certainly one reason we need spiritual directors to accompany us – they can co-discern with us these movements in our hearts.

Peace and tranquility within the soul is beautiful and precious

I am learning that living in the present is vital. I want to be more fully present to what is happening around me. I need to follow Jesus in hearing, seeing, feeling, and responding to the situations that present themselves to him on a day to day basis. My mind tends to be so deep in thought preparing a sermon, seeking solutions to problems, or occupied with theoretical ideas and theological issues that it hinders me from being aware of people problems, of listening deeply and with empathy, and being present to whoever or whatever is before us. I am seeking a practical, down-to-earth spirituality of living and loving that has hands and feet, eyes and ears, and towel and basin.

To be fully present and involved with people entails suffering

The retreat ended with a time of prayer and thanksgiving during the hour of prayer. Everyone gave thanks to God for how they were blessed and graced during the retreat. The lights were dimmed, and each one addressed their thanksgiving to the Lord Jesus, with all the rest listening in with grateful hearts. To enact this thanksgiving each retreatant lighted their candle in the front. With the end of the meeting everyone exploded with joy and hugs and handshakes and overflowing goodwill and peace. Christmas has come early.

Tuesday, 11th December 2018

We went on a tour of Dalat. This was to help us with re-entry. Good idea. Everyone was radiant with joy as we chat and took photos and shopped and ate. Twenty eight strangers and seven days of silence and yet a strange bond of closeness and love was forged – this is truly a fellowship in the Spirit.

View from Liang Bang mountain peak

Wednesday, 12th December 2018

It was time to go back to Singapore. We were still overflowing with the fragrance of God’s love and peace as we made the journey home.

Thank you Lord for being with us throughout the retreat, and for all the retreat directors who accompanied us we give you praise. Thank you too for the hospitality and silent devotion of the Cistercian monks. To God be the glory.

Here is a 5 minute  slideshow of the Chau Son Retreat

Chau Son Retreat 2018

This silent retreat was for seven days in early December. It took a day to travel to the Cistercian Monastery near Dalat, Vietnam: two hours by flight to Ho Chi Minh City; a 45 minutes domestic flight to Dalat, and a final hour by bus to this cool weather mountain retreat. It was the same hours returning to Singapore. One day of re-entry program was added.

The retreat proper began with a half day of orientation and then grand silence began and continued for seven days. Each day we met with our chosen spiritual director. There were 28 retreatants from Singapore and Malaysia and 6 spiritual directors. Securing this slot was difficult as the guest rooms were often occupied from local needs.

I enjoyed the retreat, and will post about it later after Christmas and New Year. However I did manage to make some simple slideshows from the photos I have taken. Three slideshows to be exact. Apple makes it a breeze. But only after I have loaded the photos from my Android Samsung Galaxy Note 5, which was quite a chore.

The first slideshow, is the most complete one which shows the beautiful grounds, some of the food we ate, and the one day Dalat re-entry program before we flew back.

The second slideshow excluded the food section, and allows more time to appreciate each photo and stir nostalgia.

The final video are my favourite photos.


A prayer for City Harvest Church

Our Father, 

You are gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in love. You are upright and all Your ways are just. 

With our heads bowed down before You, and our hearts broken over Your church, we admit that we have failed You before the eyes of the watching world. We thank You for Your forgiveness through the mercy of Christ. 

We pray for all churches in Singapore. Purify us with holy discipline; fill us afresh with Your Spirit; and consecrate us to glorify Your name. Grant us the grace to despise fame, embrace simplicity, and renounce the desire to be rich. 

We call on the Spirit of grace to assure, comfort and strengthen the City Harvest Church. May they stand firm, steady, and united during this time of increased pressures. Give the church and its leaders great peace.

We remember those in prison and pray that You will visit them with Your love, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. May the enforced times of confinement and quiet be transformed into moments when You draw near to them and whisper Your faith, love and hope. Watch over their families at home and keep everyone in the love of God. 

Lord, let what has happened make the church in Singapore more dependent on You, more in communion with You, and more like You in Your lowliness, poverty and obscurity. 

In Jesus’ Name we give thanks. Amen. 


Serving men from the marketplace

The pastors initiated some pastoral care when we found that a number of men were between jobs. They were mainly professionals  in manufacturing, retail, finance and service industries. We formed a WhatsApp chat group with Wai Tuck as a co-ordinator. We called it Men In Transition. We met them for prayer and meditation (lectio divina), sharing, and meals periodically.

Reflection, lectio divina, sharing and prayer

Last week Tom Cannon and I met them for a few hours of reflection on their vocational history. We got them to draw a timeline and reflect on the high and low points of their years of working life. We asked them to ponder how God was present in their careers, using Old Testament Joseph’s timeline as an example. It opened their eyes. Then Tom led them in a lectio divina on the passage Isaiah 43:1-7. This was followed with a time of sharing their reflections. We listened to their stories of pain, victories, struggles, weaknesses and wrapped up everything by bring these to the Lord in prayer. The Lord was present to impart peace and comfort.

Men in Transition having lunch at The Ranch

Then we proceeded to The Ranch for a $10 set meal. Lovely morning; wonderful fellowship! To do work that encourages, enlightens and give hope to people you care about is such a satisfying thing.

Monday sabbath

I do not keep the sabbath as a law, but I live by the wisdom of sabbath. Christ is my sabbath. In Christ I have entered a spiritual rest from all works and labouring to earn salvation. However there is wisdom to be drawn from God’s idea of rest, remembering, and relishing one day a week.

One day in the week, usually Monday my day off, I choose to slow down to rest and avoid the kind of work which I usually do. I take time to meditate and pray. I try to delight in everything throughout the day. I rest.

The noise without and the noise within is stilled with quiet waiting before God

This Monday morning, I cycled to the Japanese Garden and found a bench facing the disused golf course of the now defunct Jurong Country Club. The government seized it for its vaunted development of the rapid rail station and peripheral mixed development.

Slowing down takes time. I was sitting there still and silent for 40 minutes. My thoughts were everywhere. So I sought to focus on my physical senses especially the sense of sound and touch. It helped. I shut my eyes, felt the cool breeze, and listened. Immediately, I heard the distant and faded pounding of a piledriver– thud, thud, thud. I heard something that sounded like a motor boat in the distance. There was the sound of excavators at work. There was the chirping of small birds and sometimes the squak of the heron. A golf cart rolls by behind me and I can hear that too. Must be the park management staff. Even the crickets whistle incessantly. A lot of construction work is going on at the fringe of the Jurong Lake and some even in the Chinese Garden.

Slowly my wandering thoughts which were like distracting monkeys jumping all over the branches of my mind, calmed down and quietened, as though asleep. Finally I did come to a place of restfulness and I meditated on the stages of prayer and the life of prayer that Jesus lived. Some lovely thoughts and took some notes of the insights.

Parents coaxing their child to smile in a child photography session in open air

I rounded off my time with the Lord cycling around the Chinese Garden and saw this couple having a photo shoot of their infant child. It was the first time I have seen a child photography session in the Chinese Garden.