Veteran Singapore actor Li Nanxing revealed that he once indulged in gambling, drinking and even had suicidal thoughts when he could not pay off his mountain of debts, said media reports.

Li told his story to a large crowd on Sunday night at an event at the church Lighthouse Evangelism where many showed up after hearing that he would be speaking.

The television actor reportedly said that he racked up almost S$2 million in debt after making a bad investment decision.

He explained that while he was quite popular the first nine years of his career, his career came to a virtual halt after he said he “was fine with it” when he went on stage to receive an award for his role in the 1997 drama “Rising Expectations”.

Li did not manage to get many roles after that incident and decided to try his hand in business, so he took out S$900,000, his entire savings from nearly a decade of acting, and opened a members-only club with his friends.

“I was the largest shareholder at the time! When I finally got a chance to shoot a drama in China, I ‘pre-signed’ a number of cheques and left my business partners in charge of the venture,” said the 45-year-old.

“The six months I was in China, I only communicated with my business partner over the phone. I only found out later that the general manager was dishonest. Besides losing my S$900,000 investment, I still owed suppliers and developers S$500,000. That S$900,000 was everything I had from nearly a decade of work.”

Things started getting from bad to worse for the then-penniless Li. He lost his driving license for drink driving, owed S$45,000 in taxes and even had to borrow S$30,000 from loansharks to avoid losing his house after defaulting on loan repayments in 2002.

Li added that at one point, he even had to scrounge for loose change to buy food. He only had something good when his pay cheque finally came in at month’s end.

Facing such enormous pressure, Li turned to gambling, drinking and smoking almost three packets of cigarettes a day to numb himself. However, this only served to land him deeper in debt and made him think of taking his own life.

“I did not have any friends, I could not sleep… I thought of suicide, to end it all with my death,” said Li who went on to describe those years as the “darkest days of [his] life”.

Li said it is only after he chanced upon religion that he was miraculously “saved”.

His business partner wanted to settle their differences out of court and offered Li S$210,000 while his creditors stopped going after him and instead went after his other two business partners. He also signed with a new management company and managed to get a number of jobs overseas.

All this allowed him to clear all his debt within a year.

“After that, I no longer gambled, drank or smoked. I sleep peacefully every night and have a better temperament. I am a changed man,” said Li.

My generation grew up with the provision shop- that disorganized and overpacked grocery that sells the common things a family needed but with less choices. Service was personalized and there’s even first name familiarity. You can even get credit and items purchased delivered to your home. But there are limitations: it does not sell everything a family member may need. You can’t get a haircut, or buy fresh food, or a pair of shoes or clothing. They don’t do banking and you can’t get a meal or be entertained with a movie. Sometimes what you want is there but you can’t find it in the mess. However, this is what we grew up with and are comfortable with, even tolerant of.

Shopping mall generation

There is however another generation, now in their thirties and below, who have grown up in a different world. It is the world of the shopping mall. And in this world, in this one place they can obtain nearly everything they needed. The mall is stocked with all kinds of products from all over the world, whether fresh or packaged. It offers services of all kinds for all the needs and desires of all age groups. Air-conditioned and alluring, it is the consumer’s paradise. It offers choices. It offers lifestyle. It even confers identity. If I regularly go to a particular shopping mall, I am young and trendy; if another, I am an aunty; if still another, I am a sophisticate’ or yuppie or sporty person or bargain-hunter. This particular generation is comfortable in a shopping mall; but it feels disoriented, disjointed, and lost in the good old small provision shop and find it a hassle, so what if the manager calls them by name and knows their parents!

Megachurch growth is sociological and psychological too

That’s why I believe the megachurch is here to stay and is likely to grow stronger. It’s more than just a spiritual thing; it is also sociological and psychological. The younger generation has been culturally conditioned to feel welcome and comfortable in a megachurch structure because it is so much like the shopping mall they have pleasant experiences of. There they get all their needs met under one roof. More resources means more choices, “products”, even branded ones from USA or Australia; and it means varied and better servicing of the attendees’ needs.

Giants in the land

This is one reason for the rise of the contemporary megachurch in our city. Churches like City Harvest Church and New Creation Church are the two notable examples of giants in the land. Are they like spiders organizationally? Without the spider the web will become cobwebs.  I say this with deep respect for the pastors of both churches. This is just an organizational metaphor I recently learned. I use them without any sense of contempt or put down so do not inundate this comment box with “Sour grapes” etc etc.

From spider to starfish

There used to be a megachurch that dominated the scene: Calvary Charismatic Center. It used to be a spider. It became a starfish a decade or more ago. A wise move. A starfish when cut up regenerates itself and multiplies. That’s what happened to that megachurch now with a new name, Victory Family Church. You find them in all the suburbs: Choa Chu Kang, Sembawang, Yishun, Jurong West, Tampines and where else? Wonderful. The spider can go away for a year and spin another web in East Timor and things are still well with their churches’ souls.

Happy for City Harvest Church and New Creation Church

Having said that I am glad that City Harvest managed to cut a deal and avail itself to a place huge enough for its growing congregation in the city-Suntec Singapore. $310 million is an amount that seems chewable by 30,000 attendees. Its just about $1000 per year per attendee for ten years. The members must be as happy as when New Creation members heard about their coup at One North, though some may be contemplating a quiet exit . I used to be provocative to stir other Christians to think about issues like stewardship, laws, the lease, alternatives, etc etc. Now I only think up provocative titles, and have come to the view that each church decides what they regard as best in the Lord, and for the church, from the leadership’s discernment. The rest we just leave to posterity to assess. The members who do not like it can zip up their wallet or vote with their feet to the megachurch next door. Or why not walk to the small church next door.

Small church challenges

The small church: well, to be candid, young people are there not always by deliberate choice but because their parents are there; or close friends are there, or they find meaning and purpose in some role or responsibility. But they do feel the pull when their friends talk excitedly about their “shopping mall experiences”. Anyway when was the last time you stepped into a small provision shop? Is this a death knell for small churches of under a hundred? No not really. Haven’t you heard of 7 Eleven? But that is another story: the story of the small church.

Does size matter?

Does size matter in the light of this? Can a megachurch more effectively reach unchurched people who are more used to and comfortable with the shopping mall than with the HDB mom’s and pop’s store? Probably so. However, megachurches do have their weaknesses too. Consumerism, the cultural trait of generation next is one of several things that the megachurch appeals to, and this is the very Achillees’ heel that gives rise to megachurch weaknesses. More on that another time, God willing.

(I am getting lazy. Picked up an old post -28 dec 2007- from my files and just revised it to make it current.)

The World Never Dared

She thought they called her ugly,

Behind her back,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She was afraid she would never be loved,

That no one could love an ugly girl,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She never saw the strength,

Nor the beauty that she had,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She cried into the night,

Worrying she wasn’t beautiful enough,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She started losing herself,

To the deep throes of what was truly ugly,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She started keeping her distance,

Until she truly believed that maybe the whole world was ugly,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She wandered off into the distance,

A sad look upon her face,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She lifted herself up,

Then let herself crash down,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She lingered in the shadows,

One moment too long,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She fell down the mountain,

Into a crumpled mess of ugly emotions,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She grew believing ugliness reigned,

And that she couldn’t overcome it,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She flew solo,

And never asked for directions,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She broke all the mirrors,

But still called herself ugly,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She hit and kicked,

Out at her soul,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She tried to make it work,

But she let the ugliness rumors overcome,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She followed all the wrong signs,

Into the deep and dark abyss where ugly ruled,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She stopped laughing,

Yet thought life was a joke,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She fell fast and furious,

To ugly’s power,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She stopped listening,

And she never heard the compliments,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

She kept pushing herself,

But still thought they called her ugly,

And the world never dared,

To set her right,

Then one day,

That not ugly, truly beautiful girl snapped,

And the world never had a chance,

To dare to set her right,

She finally stopped fighting,

And let ugliness take her all the way,

And the world never did dare,

To set her right.

Haiti – “A Call To Fasting & Prayer” from anthony gehin on Vimeo.