The Blessings of Journaling

6 January 2022 Leave a comment

Ladies and gentlemen, start or restart journaling in 2022.

How I Began and Your Perfect Beginning

I began journaling in earnest after attending a Spiritual Renewal Seminar in the late 1970’s when Brian Bailey, a prophet and teacher of the Word, talked about the need to keep a record of what you learned as you meditate on scriptures. He also mentioned how speaking in tongues before you read and meditate on Scriptures would give you more revelation. 

I began in earnest to take notes of spiritual lessons and insights I received as I systematically read, studied and meditated on God’s word. My journaling journey had begun. I did not know that as the years passed it would get deeper and wider to include far more than records of scripture lessons. To him who has much more would be given. As I started acting on what I know and have, God added to it, deepened it, broadened it, enriched it. 

The perfect beginning is not to read about everything about journaling before beginning. God’s idea of a perfect beginning is to start where you are and trust him to bring you where he wants you to be. I know it is already the first week of January of 2022. You may wish you started on 1 January with the perfect journal book – paper or digital – and know exactly how and what you are going to write and how to annotate or store it. Just do it with what you know now and have at hand now. This is the perfect start.

You do not have to write every day, even though this would be good. It could be weekly. It could even be as and when there is something that is memorable or moving or meaningful. At times you could draw or sketch or keep an audio recording if that is what you are more comfortable with rather than writing.

Why Bother About Journaling

Remembering is an important part of our Christian spirituality. The patriarchs erected special altars at places where the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob covenanted with them, or encountered and delivered them in significant ways. Ancient Israel was told to commemorate various rituals at a few annual feasts. The major one is the Passover, so that they remember that it was God who delivered them from slavery in Egypt, and that the event marked their identity as a people of God dedicated to bring his praise to the nations of the earth. We who live after the death of Christ and walk the Calvary road are commanded to remember Christ every time we eat and drink at the Lord’s Table. It marks us as the new covenant people of God, saved by his redeeming blood. This is something God would want us to do today too. Just as we keep images and videos of beautiful memories of things and events and people we love, we should keep visual and audio cues to jog the memory of the greatness, tenderness and workings of God in our life. 

One Journal, Many Blessings

Here is a personal list of the many ways journaling has blessed me. I am sure there are many more that readers have personally experienced and I urge you to share some of your experiences with us by using the comment box. A blessing shared is a blessing doubled!

First on my list is that journaling gave me a record of answers to prayers. I wrote some of the things I prayed for, especially when I was fasting and prayer. I have seen so many of these prayers answered. If I had not recorded them, they would have been forgotten, and I would not have been impacted by the link between my specific prayers and God’s answers. Some prayers were answered quickly, many after months, even years, others not at all. This mixed record built my faith in God and to believe that simple faithful prayers does set into motion the invisible power of God. 

Making Sense and Finding God

When I reviewed parts of my journal or the entries of a whole year, I could see themes and repeated patterns that indicated to me what God seemed to have said to me and done in my life. I would not have been able to receive certain insights into God’s activity if I had no such records in my journal. It was like putting together pieces of jigsaw to make sense and find God in the midst of my life.

I found that journal entries during retreats were particularly detailed and significant. I suppose in a silent retreat, I was free from normal preoccupations, responsibilities and distractions, and was able to spend more time in prayer and reflection. Therefore, I was able to pick up more things that was going on deep within my soul and scriptures came alive in a more impactful way. I could hear more clearly from God and his work in my soul seemed more intense and deeper. Usually, I would make a silent retreat when I was at some crossroad or tension point and this me seek God more intensely and those who seek him will find him.

Light in the Dark

Reflection and the very act of writing helped to crystalize and clarify my thoughts, feelings and desires. I might begin confused and unclear but as I wrote things seemed less muddy and murky and by the time I have written several pages it seemed that some light had begun to shine through my dark and cloudy heart. This is heightened when I wrote the journal entry in the first person to God, as in a letter to God telling him what was going in and around me.

Sometimes I would also speak in tongues for a while, ask God for interpretation, and then wrote out what came to mind by faith without censorship. Only after the inspiration ceased would I go back and read what words God had for me and make a judgment then. It was surprising how often that encouragement and comfort came from these spontaneous prompts from the Spirit-influenced heart. They often reflected God’s heart.

Ideas, Insights, Emotions

During prayer, ideas and insights about church ministry, decisions, sermons and blogposts would come and having a journal at hand made it convenient to jot these down and later after further judgment and prayer, act on them and develop and deliver them. Some of these ideas came from a creative centre, and I knew I had to give God credit when I was complimented or affirmed for them. The journal at hand and the habit of casting your net in prayer and retrieving and jotting your catch, is a habit that blessed me and my ministry so much.

Writing a journal slowed me down long enough to sit and identify, label and express my deeper emotions, affections and desires. I was poor at this. It took me a long time to learn and even now I feel I am wearing an L plate. What I found was that if I could do it in my journal, it made it somewhat easier for me to express it to my friends and loved ones. It helped me to be vulnerable and authentic in Christ, and to deepen my friendship with God, friends and loved ones. 

Journaling was therapeutic as it gave me an outlet to express my deepest truths, secrets, hopes and frustrations. It was health for my soul and clarification for my mind as I muddle my way through hurts and regrets in the past, perplexities of the present, and anxieties about the future. The best thing is the journal does not talk back or criticize or judge me. It had a gentle and patient touch that healed.

Journaling gave me writing practice. I write well by writing much. Practice does make perfect. The search for the right words. The clarification of ideas, arranging or organizing them the right way to express them meaningfully and clearly. Simply writing regularly in my journal improved my writing.

Comment & Share

Well, this was what I have listed and noted off the cuff. Definitely not exhaustive, or sufficiently deep. If you can help enrich the ideas mentioned and enrich our discussion here, do not hesitate to add your two cents worth to the comment box, and share this content with others if it helped you.

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“Departure Points” by Tony Siew: Book Reflection

3 January 2022 Leave a comment

Reading “Departure Points” was a breeze and I completed the book more quickly than most. The reading overtook some other books which I had started reading a few weeks earlier. I typically read about five to ten books at a time, dipping into any of them as my whim or mood fancies. The language is informal and it was an easy and interesting read. 

I first met the author through reading his blog. Then when he was in Singapore, we had a few meals together, and he also preached in World Revival Prayer Fellowship, the church I served. In our limited meetings and from reading his blog, what impressed upon me is that he is a man of deep convictions, who works hard at teaching and preaching God’s word, and displays great love for the SIB (Sidang Injil Borneo) churches. Reading this book has given me more insights into his gifts and character. I can see how he obtained a well of wisdom in church leadership – both parochial and denominational – from his wide experience and postings in different settings and countries. 

“Departure Points” gives a quick and easy account of the life and ministry of Rev Dr Tony Siew. The settings changed quickly, from local to denominational, from Sabah to New Zealand to Singapore, from urban church to rural church, from rich city church to poor village church, and denominational seminary to established regional seminary. His ministry roles were as widely varied as his settings: pastor, writer, researcher, denominational treasurer and fundraiser, itinerant preacher to rural churches, seminary lecturer, scholar presenting papers at international conferences, and acting principal of a denominational seminary. The book’s title is clearly appropriate. 

I liked the book for its easy read and my interest in this Sabah denomination which began with Holy Spirit outpourings in the mid-1970’s, about two or three years later than the revivals that began in Singapore. It demonstrated the power of the Spirit in missions and evangelism and natural church multiplication. Till today the Spirit’s activity is still part of the DNA of the church and I do pray it stays that way for the tendency is for such DNA to fade into obscurity with the passage of time, and the equipping of seminary lecturers in seminaries that restrict the Spirit’s work.

I admire the work of the foreign missionaries from Australia (Borneo Evangelical Mission/ OMF) who successfully passed on the baton to the local pastors and leaders and left behind a model of church polity that required plurality of leadership. This has given a lot of stability (despite the slow speed of decisions and execution). The history of foreign missions is littered with missionaries that held on the power for too long and did not contextualize polity to suit the culture they had evangelized. But these Aussie missionaries did well. No doubt the Spirit was upon them to guide them.

Through Tony’s report of his story, I have a better understanding of the SIB denomination and the local churches in the city and the rural villages, and how they operated, and the challenges they faced. He is the only ethnic Chinese pastor among the scores of pastors and church leaders (from the major tribal ethnic groups) that fulfilled the many leadership roles in church and denomination. It is grace on the part of the tribal majorities and upon Tony’s ministry that he was promoted to strategic positions and appointments during his sacrificial tenure of ministry in the denomination. 

I could see that while he is multi-talented and very responsible and capable, his strong convictions, sense of responsibility and courage occasionally landed him in no man’s land and within the crosshair of his critics’ rifle scopes. He is a courageous and forthright leader, passionate as a scholar of God’s truth, and as a pastor-lover of God’s church. I cannot help but feel that a mission that suits him and will make a great contribution to SIB is some kind of wide-ranging and influential role in reformation and implementation of the training of future pastors of the SIB.

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Resources I Needed For Sustainable Pastoral Ministry

24 December 2021 Leave a comment

Anybody in the pastoral ministry will be able to testify how challenging it can be, and how equally exciting it can be because you have a front seat to the theatre of God’s activity in the church and in your life and ministry. With so many challenges, how then have I been sustained in forty years of pastoral ministry.

The Support of Loved Ones

Family support was crucial. To have a supportive family, especially a supportive spouse was without doubt an absolute necessity for long term sustainability in my experience. To go into pastoral ministry without my wife Jenny’s support would be foolhardy and risky. Thankfully, my wife knew I was called into the pastoral ministry and supported me to the hilt. In the early years, this included finances for she earned much more than me as a system analyst. Later, when led of the Lord, she gave up her job to be a full-time mum, and she united with me heart and soul to trust God for financial provision, God never failed us, not once.

To have a partner in faith, hope and love was a great strength. She was there to encourage and pray with and for me. She could tolerate my nights away from home, my long hours of sermon preparation, when I would be lost in thought and not fully present for her. She could tell when I feel down and encouraged me. Her presence meant a lot too. As much as she could, she used her gifts of encouragement and evangelism. I could work fully for the church and in peace because she devoted herself to the needs (physical, emotional, spiritual and academic) of the children. I also appreciate my children’s quiet understanding and strength. I once thought they might have suffered much from being pastor’s kids, but they said that they saw it as more of a blessing, than a burden. 

Encouraging and Complementary Co-workers

I was blessed to grow up in a church culture that practiced body-ministry. Whether in full-time vocational Christian work or not, every believer has been assigned gifts and roles to fulfill different functions needed in the body of Christ. Therefore, I had wonderfully complementary gifted “lay-leaders” that served as my co-workers in the Lord’s work: in the board (eg Abraham Sim, Paul Chan, Francis Shin), children’s church, cell groups, worship teams and many other areas. I do not have all the gifts. In fact, I have but “five loaves and two fish”. The Lord knew I needed people with gifts I lack (especially strategy and administration), and indeed they were always around and I found that their participation helped me to serve over the long haul. The pastoral staff I worked with were also supportive, co-operative, and superb team players, and I always had a Barnabas (“son of encouragement”) among them. For example at the beginning, Pastor Johney, my predecessor was a mentor and encourager. At the tail end, I had Ps Thomas. Lord, thank you.

Outside Comfort and Prayer

I needed pastor friends outside the church to serve faithfully over the long haul. My seminary classmate Raphael Samuel (now a bishop) was one. After he left for Bolivia, I joined an ecumenical group of pastors and priests led by Rev Dr Lorna Khoo who met monthly for faith-sharing and prayer accountability. Then followed a period where I was bereft of such faith sharing groups. I prayed the Lord would give me some. He did. There was Rev Dr Norman Wong, Rev Vincent Hoon (who was my random roommate in a Love Singapore Pastor’s Prayer Summit), Rev Kenny Fam, Rev Cheng Eng Hwa with whom I studied with for Masters program. Near the tail end of my pastoral ministry I had the input and wisdom of Ps Koh Seng Chor (who retired ahead of me) and Rev Dr Jimmy Wong, a Trinity Theological College lecturer. These were my peer mentors, friends and accountability groups. I needed them, and I still need such small faith communities. Since retirement, I have joined a pastors’ group in the Ministers’ Fellowship International, Singapore, and a Catholic community of friends with a passion for facilitating silent retreat and caminos.

These groups were vital for me because I needed a place where it was safe to share my hopes and joys, and my burdens and frustrations, and not be judged but get input and prayer. We met once a month, over one or two hours and sometimes more. These were the small groups that strengthened my faith, hope and love. They were reliable sources of comfort, strength and wisdom. Without them it would have been so much tougher.

Spiritual Disciplines

The Lord is the one who lives within me and sustains me. People were his instruments. Spiritual disciplines were the means that helped me connect with God and experience his grace, strength and insights. For many years, the bread and butter for me had been the practice of slow meditation on God’s word and prayer. In the second half of my pastoral ministry, journaling, reflective prayer (examen), weekly sabbaths, annual retreats, have been a great help, especially in those latter years of dryness, church conflicts and hitting the wall. I needed more time, and different prayer practices, and the guidance of a spiritual director to help me pray over and process the many emotional upheavals and regrets that surfaced and required attention and healing. These practices taught me to pay attention to my inner life, to soul-care and to spiritual discernment.  They taught me to trust God more and be freed from the “besetting sin” and burdens that weighed me down(without my knowledge) as I ran this marathon of a race.

I suppose there are many other helps that have not come to mind and given time, I could add more. I am sure other pastors reading this may have other ideas of what contributes to sustainable pastoral ministry over the long haul. Perhaps a wise philosophy of ministry…a rule of life….a way of managing your work. Please share in the comment box above.

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Stirrings From My “Sabbatical”

21 December 2021 Leave a comment

My staying away from church was meant to be time away from the church so that the new pastor of the English congregation could establish his leadership and bond with the people in peace. For me this has become a blessing partly because this separation was not painful or stressful. Not painful because I was unseen in church but present in spirit through the online services. I also did not have to plan in which church to hide myself. It has become a sabbatical of sorts for me. I could not travel out of the country. I stayed home most of the time, which suited me fine, as I am a homebody. Interestingly, while the ground was “fallow” during the past year, something was stirring deep within my soul – at least three stirrings I can discern thus far.

Writing

One was the stirring to write. Straight after my official retirement, it was prophesied over me that I should write.  God has given me the enablement, inspiration and desire to write. I have organized ideas for two booklets, and I have more or less collated material for one and now have to learn how convert my material into an e-book. I have begun work on my second book idea but I can see it will take some time as I am working at a leisurely pace without any deadline pressures. Pray for me please.

Evangelistic Preaching

Another stirring has to do with an amazing shift in interest and desire from teaching God’s Word to preaching/proclaiming the Good News. During forty years of pastoral ministry my main focus was explaining and teaching scriptures to God’s people, making truths understood in clear, simple words and without jargon. I always shunned from evangelistic preaching. It was not my gift. Or so I thought. Now I found myself preaching with an evangelistic zeal and intention I never had before. Even though I knew that I was preaching to the saved and converted, I would include evangelistic content and appeals. God is stirring my heart to pray for an anointing for preaching the Gospel and for the salvation of souls. I saw this develop in my past few sermons. They all had an evangelistic thrust and passion. I believe God is up to something exciting because that is how I feel about this shift. I feel motivated to retool myself and I am praying for an anointing to do this work. Pray for me.

Spiritual Direction

The third stirring is a desire to be formed and trained for spiritual direction. Since it was in silent retreats and through the ministry of spiritual direction that I was saved after experiencing two burnouts, I feel indebted and enthusiastic about making this ministry available to more people. I have tried on two occasions to attend such formation courses but both timings were not right. Then during the recent months an opportunity arose with an ecumenical group of experienced spiritual directors feeling led of the Lord to run a course in Singapore. I nearly did not sign up, but for an anonymous donor who generously offered to pay for half of the fees of the course. I saw this as the Lord’s intervention and invitation to me. Starting in the new year, I begin my twenty one months formation course in spiritual direction. Pray for me please. 

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