Every church has its periods of conflict and trouble. The church is “holey”, and holy. The church comprises people – earthen vessels with flaws, roughness, imperfect shapes and designs. Thus, painful relational disagreements and friction often led to gossip and slander, the formation of factions, and divisions. As a pastor, I sometimes found myself caught in the crossfire or involved in one of the opposing factions.

During such hazardous periods of uncertainty, I found myself under great stress and confusion because the issues are not simple, cut-and-dry matters. Rather, the problems were clouded with ambiguity and choices with imperfect consequences. Emotionally, fear and faith would be at war within. My mind felt entangled in the pros and cons, the mixed ramifications of whichever course of action. I felt like a fish tank when its bottom gravel, sand and soil was being cleaned: I would lose sight of the fish, the real issue.

Processing and creating

The cave became vital. My cave was a ten-minute bicycle ride to a pavilion near the bonsai garden of the Chinese Garden. It was a pavilion with two round-shaped stone tables and heavy stone chairs. I would ride there whenever I could, usually in the mornings. In the front bag of my foldable bike were invariably my journal, pen, phone, and a water bottle. There I met with God. There I conversed with him. I processed what was going on in my soul. I wrote in my journal. Listened to music. Interceded. Meditated on scriptures. Waited on God in quiet and stillness.

Invariably, after an hour or more, I would leave the place feeling lighter, comforted or enlightened. At peace with God, but not always with myself, because some issues needed more time for processing. The cave saved me. Otherwise, I would have been crushed, overwhelmed by unprocessed pain points that would be suppressed below the iceberg of my consciousness, only to surface at some odd moment in some embarrassing or harmful way.

The cave is also a space for creation, not only for renewal and spiritual equilibrium. It is my go-to space for sermon preparation. During some periods, Trinity Theological College was my favourite cave. It is definitely the most beautiful and well-endowed theological library in Singapore. I would climb up the stairs to my preferred top floor. I would relax in the IKEA Poang armchair and pray, ponder, create and shape a sermon out of my exegetical findings.

 Another cave I loved was making an annual five to seven-day prayer retreat outside of Singapore. I have used different retreat centres in various countries, but my most memorable retreats were with the Jesuit-run “The Seven Fountains Spirituality Centre” in Chiang Mai, Thailand. You can read about some of those experiences HERE.

Everyone must have a cave. The cave is a space where you can find peace, healing, encouragement, comfort and strength. The cave is a space where you can encounter God.

It can be physical: a room, a prayer chapel, a chair, an outdoor park, a walk around the neighbourhood, a café, an office workspace, or a sofa in the library.

Portable space

The cave can be a portable spiritual space within us. We can carry it with us. It’s a posture of prayer. Attentive to movements within our soul: the ebb and flow of emotions and desires. Attentive to the presence of God. It is a state of being, even while doing. It is a pocket of silence and solitude while in the midst of a crowded, noisy and busy world.

Elijah’s cave was far away. His fear, disappointment and disillusionment led him there. God led him there. Angels sustained him in his crisis of unbelief and spiritual exhaustion. However, it was in the cave that he was able to process his emotional turmoil and confusion through conversations with God. He saw what was wrong. God showed him what was right for him to do next. Being alone with God in silence and trust led to his full restoration.

Today, I am an empty nester. My two sons have married out, and my daughter has been working overseas for years. My cave is currently my daughter’s bedroom. My desk, chair, and bookshelf are all there. I vacate it when she is home and I find another cave.

What or where is your cave? Let me know in the comments box.

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