The journey of faith

16 December 2020 2 Comments

We live in a world where it is expected that you know which direction you are heading in life. It is desirable you have a plan. It looks impressive: you have figured it out, you are ahead in the game, you are in control. People nod in approval. They are impressed and the probing stops. 

What if you have no plans of what you will do, for instance, after retirement? What if you said, “I do not have a plan. I don’t know. I am giving God a blank page.” Such answers go against the grain. It goes against common sense and conventional wisdom. It shows a lack of preparation. It surprises some people and they try to hide their surprise, and change the topic, as if to protect you from further embarassment. 

I am one of those without a plan for post-retirement. Actually, my old self-reliant me would have a sustainable, convergence plan. But I have deliberately refrained from strategizing. I do not even have a tentative plan. I want to rely on God more.

For me personally, it is okay, even imperative to not know what lies ahead. God is weaning me from self-reliance and self-sufficiency. He is teaching me to follow in the footsteps of Abraham, my ancestor in the faith, who obeyed even though he “did not know where he was going” (Heb 11:8b). It’s a journey of faith. He will lead me and I will end up being where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do. In the meantime, I want to be content with being with God, until He reveals what I am to be doing for God. Both “being” and “doing” are important but the order is paramount: the former must precede the latter. 

Already He has shown me two things He has already written on the blank sheet. He wants me to write; and second, to journey with younger pastors. Therefore, I will begin to obey Him with these two divine directives. I will obey, and watch and pray to see what develops from these steps of faith. 

Recently, I was hiking when a vista captured my attention. I stood there and saw a path that disappeared into the foliage. I could not see beyond a bend. What I could see were several large rocks at the beginning of the path. I took the photo above.

In silence I stood still and pondered. Suddenly I realized I was on holy ground. I was in front of the burning bush and God was reassuring me that though I may not have charted a map for my future, and did not know what the future held, He was with me at this beginning of my journey, as certain as I could see those rocks.

This reminded me of Thomas Merton’s honest and humble prayer:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”(Thoughts in Solitude)

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Marie Kondo season now

9 December 2020 Leave a comment

The Marie Kondo season has come. Re-organize, give away, say “Thank you” and “Goodbye” to old stuff. 

This is not because of the approaches of Christmas and Lunar New Year ahead. It is simply that now that I have retired, I have been freed of many of the church ministry “To Do List” priority items, that kept many of the household duties and tasks awaiting my attention. Now that those items at the top have been removed, those at the bottom are nearer the top, and gets my attention. 

Ministry work stretched the intellectual and psychological. Preparing and preaching the sermon and trainings, evaluating and planning the worship services, facilitating meetings for planning, strategizing, reconciling, and supervising have all required the investment of spiritual, mental and emotional energies. 

Therefore, I welcome this Marie Kondo season, this season of mainly physical work with my hands. It moves me towards a wholeness and awareness of things I see, touch, smell and handle. It can be mind-boggling to figure out the best place to store stuff. Yes, sometimes I struggle emotionally to say thank you and goodbye to old pre-loved stuff that served me so well. Yet overall I find a satisfaction in seeing rapid tangible results (in contrast to trying to solve church problems like late-coming worshippers): the room became tidy, the display looked pretty, the cupboards began to breathe, I see the changes and congratulate myself, “Well done!”. 

I had a list of 29 things to do of which 9 have been done. Twenty more awaits my attention. One of them is painting the ceilings of the whole house, and the walls of two or three bedrooms. This will probably take the longest time, as I will do this in stages. I am no longer the 30 year old new house-owner who could paint the living room in half-a-day! And I belong to the generation that would rather save money and do the painting myself, rather than hire professionals to do it. 

Its burdensome when I look at the list. But if I see it as part as my movement towards wholeness, towards development of the under-developed part of my person – the sensory – it helps cast a redemptive light on the strain and load. My mantra is “This is good for me”.

Lord, help me to see you in these mundane and dreary tasks. After all, You once worked with your hands and made things. You did it with pride and an eye to your Father’s praise. Help me to see You in all things, and to find meaning in doing the most uncomfortable, dirty, odious of chores. 

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Personal and family, Spirituality and ageing , ,

Ordination service and retirement prayer during covid 19

30 November 2020 Leave a comment

The ordination of Alvin Lim was certainly a highlight and delight in the month of November 2020. The Covid 19 makes all kinds of events unforgettable: a covid 19 ordination – what will it look like? We did not want it to be a non-event attended by 10 persons with all kinds of limitations, so we postponed it. However, when things got better and the government safety guidelines were loosened, and 100 were allowed to physically congregate, we decided to go ahead with the ordination. In addition, there was the deadline of my retirement: we had to do it before 19 November. 

RESTRICTIONS DURING ORDINATION SERVICE

We had to limit the numbers who could attend. All the other measures like masks, temperature taking, two groups kept separated, no singing, a single entrance and exit for each group. Keeping safe distances all the time. 

I began with a mask and later, for better communications, a full plastic shield. However, I had to make sure the microphone was under the transparent plastic shield when I spoke so that the sound is not muffled. The same goes with the Mandarin interpreter, who stood two metres from me, and the sign language interpreter who stood about ten metres from me. 

This ordination service was pre-recorded and would be shown to all the three congregations on the 15th of November, the following Sunday, giving the hardworking media team about seven days to edit and upload it. I was glad that everything went smoothly. 

From the beginning, the excitement in the hall was electric – partly because it was the first physical gathering since the beginning of the circuit breaker, and partly because it was an ordination service. All this while, our services had been pre-recorded from home initially, and later at the church hall. Now this ordination service would be the dry run for future in-person gatherings for worship.

Despite the restrictions, there was no blocking the anointing of the Holy Spirit. I felt strongly his presence during the service, when I preached, and during the liturgy, but especially when I laid hands on Alvin Lim the candidate, and prayed and prophesied over him. I was filled with joy, peace and contentment. 

All the church staff of the three congregations were glad in the Lord
The President of the Board of Elders gave the love gift to SP Kenny

RETIREMENT PRAYER FOR SENIOR PASTOR

Another thing we did was to pre-record my retirement service. This was done after the ordination service. The congregation had a ten-minute break, and re-gathered for the second part, where some commendations, appreciation speeches and a presentation of ex gratia offering for me, and my thank you speech was pre-recorded. The highlight was the three congregational pastors representing their congregations and praying blessings upon me. After editing, the segment will be added to the service of another Sunday and screened to all three congregations. You can watch this segment below. 

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Pastoral ministry , ,

Grieving about retirement

7 October 2020 2 Comments

In the early months of this year, I was looking forward to retirement. I looked forward to being free from the burdens and pressures of pastoral ministry. Forty years in the same church is a lengthy term of service and I do feel weary and tired towards the end. I was also curious to see what my spirituality would look like without ministry to drive or shape it. I want to be a child of God period. So it was something I was anticipating with some relish.

However, recently I have come to notice something of a sadness that seem undetectable, under the radar, like background music in the shopping malls. It is there but I am oblivious to it. Until someone mentions about the music, or I am waiting without any cares, I wouldn’t be aware of the music. This almost imperceptible sadness has stayed unnoticed in me for some time. I even thought it was some kind of spiritual dryness. I am still unsure. I need to further reflect on this with the Lord.

It is highly probable because when anyone experience losses like what happens at retirement – the person goes through the various stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Like it or not, retirement is a form of loss: loss of the job satisfaction it gives and a shared life with friends and colleagues; loss of respect and appreciation you enjoyed, and a defined role in the community; the loss of income and medical benefits, and a stable rhythm of work, rest and play. I am sure more can be listed (feel free to add to this list in the comment, if you wish).

Last week I had my final staff meeting with the Mandarin congregation(see above picture). Yesterday, I had my final meeting with the English congregation staff. Today, I wrap up my final zoom meeting with the Deaf congregation staff. What is left is the Board of Elders, and the Senior Pastor’s Office meetings. It was like saying “Goodbye” to these places of joy and hope, ambiguity and difficulty. On the whole, more good things happened in these places than bad. So I praise the Lord for the opportunity to serve in this way in “committees”, though I wouldn’t want to be in them in future, unless the Lord insists, which He wouldn’t. Like I told the church, I don’t want to be in the organization chart, but I am still in the organism and community chart.

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Pastoral ministry, Spirituality and ageing

A Retyrement Retreat

7 September 2020 Leave a comment
  • The rooms that faces Bukit Batok Nature Park

The misspelling was deliberate: retyrement instead of retirement. With my retirement from being senior pastor of WRPF, I felt a retreat would be necessary to give me the spiritual space and pace to reflect on the past 40 years of pastoral ministry. The way to go forward is to first go backward and process the past. I had already begun reflecting on this for some months but when you are occupied with the stresses of pastoral ministry especially during the Covid 19, your mind is preoccupied and your emotions hide underground and are hardly perceptible. This retreat will help me slow down and free up sufficiently and allow the Lord, His Spirit to surface matters for reflection.

Covid 19 meant my colleagues had to cancel their retreats which they booked at the Seven Fountains, Chiangmai. I had not done any bookings for the year so I did not have the hassle of cancellation. Travel is not possible or viable in the foreseeable future so a retreat overseas is not an option. Even the retreat houses in Singapore were closed. However, I recently heard from friends that they have opened. So I picked a period when I was not doing any preaching or weekly zoom teaching, and applied for some dates. I was glad that the reply was swift and I was able to take five days over a weekend to have time to wait on God in silence.

  • Air-conditioned with balcony and ensuite bathroom

I am also thankful that my spiritual director, Lance Ng, who has accompanied me on my journey for a few years now, was also available and had a few directees in Lifesprings Spirituality Centre during that period. I was happy to use Zoom for spiritual direction, but since he was available, I was happier it was a live session. We communicate with our whole bodies so its better this way, and he can “read” me more sharply and fully.

I requested a room with an attached bathroom and I must say the room that was assigned to me is spacious and conducive with beautiful views of green foliage. It overlooks Bukit Batok Nature Park. My first apartment was a ten minutes walk from the park and I was very familiar with the whole neighbourhood. While the grounds here are adequate, just a slow walk of ten minutes will bring you to a large park conducive for reflection and prayer, with its many benches and gazebos.

The Centre is a ministry of the Canossian sisters. They have been doing fantastic work in Singapore for close to 90 years. They ran orphanages, schools and all kinds of works that helped the needy. They also ran this retreat house and have spiritual directors among them too. May the Lord continue to bless the work of their hands.

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