Xavier House: Silent retreat

Silence and solitude still our stormy selves and position us to listen better to God. That was what I experienced during my five days of silent retreat in Xavier House on Cheung Chau island, Hong Kong. Besides the physical and soul rest, my spirit was able to feast on the word of God and I must say unlike my several previous retreats this was one of consolation with wonderful moments of  assurances and joy.

Why Cheung Chau? Well my pastor friend Eng Hwa had gone there several times and had talked about it. One day I felt an urge to try this Ignatian Spirituality Centre. Anyway the airfare costs about the same as flying to Chiangmai, where I usually went to the Seven Fountains spirituality centre. I was also ready to have a change in setting, and to try a different spiritual director.

So my pastor friend Seng Chor and I made an application. They only accepted those who have already experienced at least a three day silent directed retreat. And we had to change our dates a few times to suit the availability of the spiritual director assigned to us, a Fr Paul Goh, a bi-lingual Singaporean Jesuit priest who was posted to this centre in 2012.

Our flight was delayed by two hours because of the Typhoon Nida which brushed by Hong Kong the day before. We landed at the Hong Kong International Airport. From there we took the airport railway to the “Hong Kong MTR Station”. Then we walked five minutes to the Central Pier and boarded the frequent ferry to Cheung Chau.

Cheung Chau is a fishing town. In the harbour were berthed hundreds of fishing boats. By the time we reached there at about 3 or 4pm the boats were all back. The main street by the quayside was a long stretch of shops of all kinds facing the sea. It is packed with Hong Kongers every weekend as there were a few hiking trails and beaches on the island.

We followed the map given by the retreat center and we had to walk up a slope to reach the Xavier House, which was nicely perched on the slope of the island with a fantastic sea view and breeze. The early Catholic missionaries knew how to buy properties for their work! The whole retreat area was about a football field size but spread across the slopes. There were many niches for seating and private meditation and a beautiful chapel that had a full glass panel facing the sea. However, the single bed room was typically small like all living spaces in Hong Kong.

Typhoon Nida felled a tree in town the day before


Cheung Chau is a fishing village so its full of fishing boats in the harbour.
Cheung Chau is a fishing village so its full of fishing boats in the harbour
Cheung Chau pier is lined with supermarkets, seafood and tim sum restaurants, cafes, dried seafood stalls, bicycle hire shops and a MacDonalds.
The Cheung Chau harbour front is lined with supermarkets, seafood and tim sum restaurants, cafes, dried seafood stalls, bicycle hire shops and a MacDonalds
The path leading up the slope to the Xavier House.
The path leading up the slope to the Xavier House
The part of the L shaped building facing the sea.
The part of the L shaped building facing the sea
The large tennis court sized yard and sea view.
The large tennis court sized yard and sea view
A nice sheltered meditation spot facing the courtyard and sea view.
A nice sheltered meditation spot facing the courtyard and sea view
If you prefer the outdoors there are many wonderful spots for quiet mediation.
If you prefer the outdoors there are many wonderful spots for quiet meditation
Another excellent shaded spot;
Another excellent shaded spot
If you love heights....
If you love heights….
Another few seats for journaling and contemplation
Another few seats for journaling and contemplation
Spoilt for choices.
Spoilt for choices
View of the cross on top of the building.
View of the cross on top of the building
View of the cross from the top of the building, another place for night or early morning meditation.
View of the cross from the top of the building, another place for night or early morning meditation
On top of the rooftop
On the rooftop
Cheung Chau at dawn.
Cheung Chau at dawn
Cheung Chau in the morning
Cheung Chau in the morning
In the of the beautiful chapels
In one of the beautiful chapels
My "hong Kong sized" room.
My little room
Home cooked healthy Cantonese food was served at lunch and dinner. Breakfast was bread, butter , jam and peanut butter
There was home cooked healthy Cantonese food at lunch and dinner and breakfast was bread, butter, jam and peanut butter and cereals
There were about 30 retreat ants staying for different periods during my 4 nights stay there
There were about 30 retreatants staying for different periods during my 4 nights stay there
Town was five minutes away so sometimes I had tim sum with the Lord
Town was ten minutes walk away so sometimes I had tim sum with the Lord
Sometimes I hiked to get rid of calories and meet God in nature
Sometimes I hiked for exercise

The retreat director was diligent and asked for four one hour and fifteen minutes sessions of prayer and meditation per day. He gave four Bible passages and two optional ones. Each day I met him at 7.45pm and shared what the Lord had spoken to me through the passages and what affections, feelings and desires they stirred. He listened intently and gave some insights but mainly, he listened. His training lasted 13 years and included specialised counselling and spiritual direction. I was blessed and quickened by the meditations and God spoke to me through the passages. We began on Tuesday night and ended on Saturday evening with a thank you dinner. I left the retreat refreshed and recharged. My faith has been quickened and I am very blessed and very thankful that the church I serve supports such retreats for pastors. Seng Chor and I moved to a hotel on Hong Kong island and did some touristy stuff. Never liked the urban side of Hong Kong but after flying all the way there what is another two days?

Spiritual exercises: retreat, restore, re-configure

Room 212 balcony view

Nature’s  welcome

Despite divine assurances that this lengthy retreat would do me good, it was with some apprehension that I settled into the room 212 that would be my home for thirty five days. Air Asia had flown me into Chiang Mai, Thailand, at about eleven plus, and I was glad to be at the Seven Fountains retreat centre before midnight. All the rooms in the block had been renovated with attached bathrooms and I was the first guest to enjoy it. When I awoke the next day, a beautiful balcony view welcomed me. A huge raintree and a flame of the forest spread their gracious branches to hug me. Energetic squirrels, mynahs and butterflies looked for breakfast. This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Gregory, Kenny, David Townsend, Peter

Together with others on a journey

The last meeting I had with David Townsend was in November 2010. He was directing my ten day retreat. My apprehension still lingered as we caught up with developments in the centre and what’s been happening with me. He gave me a well known passage to meditate on. It’s about God’s care for us and our value in his eyes being much more than birds and lilies. Another passage from Psalms said, My meditation of Him shall be sweet, and that was the word that dissolved my apprehension.

Later in the day, I bumped into the other two retreatants, Gregory Chan and Peter Anthoney, both Malaysians and final year seminarians. Over time a bond would develop amongst us, despite the solitude and silence, for we were going through a similar retreat program.

Many wonder how people can be in prayer, solitude and silence for many weeks. Most cannot keep silent for even a day.  I too wondered. Thus my early twofold anxiety: Will I be able to bear the lengthy solitude? Will it bring about the rejuvenation of a burnout pastor? Will the Lord accomplish his gracious restoration work?

Momentum of prayer

room with a viewThe schedule of each day was rhythmic. Three to five periods of an hour or more each were set apart for meditation, prayer and journaling. Meditation was mainly on Gospel passages and a few other contemplative exercises. The daily 40 minute morning meeting with David, my spiritual director, would be followed by one period; after lunch there would be two periods; and after dinner, one period. Meals were at 7am, 12 noon, and 6.30pm. Filling in were the naps, the jogs and walks, reading Men in White, a book about Singapore’s ruling party, enjoying nature at the grounds and at the Huay Khaew reservoir. The mind and heart were gently and imperceptibly led into a momentum of prayer that gave me a sense of progress, and gave me a booster when I hit the wall.

Weekends were welcome as they seem to give a feeling of lightness and change. There were the Sunday services in Thai and English in the chapel of the retreat center. It was different from the weekdays: more people both expatriate and Thai could be seen on the grounds. The food was sometimes very special or way below par.  The streets and Chiang Mai university seemed empty and sluggish. It felt less intense during the weekends.

School of discipleship, prayer and discernment

How would I personally describe the retreat program? It was a school of discipleship, prayer and discernment. God’s love was revealed through creation and redemption. This love was magnified as it was contrasted with human sins and weaknesses disfiguring all of creation. The meditations and prayer covered creation and fall, incarnation, the life and ministry of Jesus, the passion week, the resurrection appearances, the ascension, the coming again and Pentecost. A persistent focus was on seeing Jesus more clearly, labyrinthloving Him more dearly, and following Him more nearly. At several points in the retreat the challenge of discipleship came to the foreground: as you have viewed and experienced God’s vast love in meditation and prayer, what is your response? Romans 12: 1 was in operation: in view of God’s mercy, I offered myself as a living sacrifice. Consecration of all that I am and have naturally followed when I experience the grace of God afresh. It was both struggle and grace as I came to finally pray, as Jesus did in Gethsemane, Father, not my will, but Yours be done.  To be willing to do whatever He wills, at whatever the cost, for the greater glory of God was the end point intended.

It was also a school of prayer as I would learn to pray with the imagination, with honest feelings, with reverence and depth. There were no “How to’s” or techniques taught.  Prayed as you can, not as you should or must, is one of the memorable gems that the My cup overflowsdirector underlined in one of the sessions. So with whatever knowledge or experience I had thus far, I went on my knees or sat and prayed.  Learning to discern the spiritual movements in my heart and how to make better decisions is another growth area for me. This was relevant and interesting and it helped me see the important role of discerning of spirits in the church, and resulted in a strong personal desire for this grace-gift.

Restoration and re-configuration

The Lord was gracious and faithful and He ministered to me directly in prayer and meditation. Like a shepherd He tended to me. He made me lie down in a restful atmosphere and feed on nutrient rich pastures and still waters. He restored my soul. He showed me the right path to take and promised to be with me through thick and thin. He dealt with the past, filled me with His presence, and gave me hope for the future.

The immediate effects of the prayer retreat is best described metaphorically. It felt like a Celebration at Tsunami - we Finally did it!spiritual re-configuration had taken place. Changed focus, increased knowledge and awareness, spiritual aliveness and alertness, and rejuvenation of my desires to serve God’s people. A better operating system was installed. To change to a geographical metaphor, the tectonic plates of my soul have moved and the fault lines have closed. Revived, re-configured re-commissioned, and ready to go in peace and serve the Lord.

It took thirty five days to complete my retreat program. The first few days was for preparation and the last one or two was for reflection on and thanksgiving for what the Lord has revealed of Himself and had done in me.

Having my wife around and Juniper Tree

a Juniper Tree chaletMy wife joined me for a short prayer retreat and vacation at the tail end. It was wonderful to have her with me as I unwound in the last few days. She enjoyed her three day prayer retreat with another director, Puspo.  At the same time, it was good I could show her around some of the interesting places outside Seven Fountains,  and fete her with Japanese food at the popular Tsunami restaurant nearby. Later we moved to another place in Chiang Mai called the Juniper Tree. From there we idled, and shopped at the large Airport Central Shopping Mall and the night bazaar. The Juniper Tree was a small hotel with a swimming pool bought over by a ministry that sought to provide a place for cross cultural missionaries to rest, recuperate, and be refreshed.enjoying a foot massage after shopping Elijah suffered burnout and sat under a juniper tree and the angel fed him with food and he slept under the tree. Many of the missionaries I saw there were Caucasians serving in various countries in Asia. Many came to rest and be refreshed and unwind from the stresses of their cross cultural work. Some came because of medical needs, and two were about to deliver babies. One or two came to renew their visas.

The path ahead

Back home I continued in my reflections and readings of books on the spiritual dynamics of the retreat program, spiritual direction, and the discerning of spirits. A friend, pastor Seng Chor had given me a book titled, Sacred Listening – James Wakefield, a Protestant  adaptation of the retreat program for lay people who cannot take a full 30 days retreat. The program runs for 6 mothns requiring an hour and a half everyday the path aheadfor the exercises. Adapting what I experienced for church use would be a useful project for me to work on. Furthermore, recently, the recommended book list for my third AGST master’s module (Spirituality and Faith Development) arrived and I am now beginning to read and enjoy the stuff:

To Know As We Are Known – Palmer

Streams of Living Water – Foster

Exploring Christian Spirituality – Collins

………..and many other readings. Looks like another enjoyable and enlightening module awaits me in the middle of September. That would be the last month of my sabbatical. October first, by the grace of God, I will be back shepherding the flock with renewed heart and mind and body.

Diary Of A Silent Retreat (2010)

It was a wonderful and blessed retreat at Seven Fountains Ignatiun Spirituality Center in Chiangmai, Thailand. Every silent retreat is different but here is a diary of what it was like for those who want an idea of what it may be like.

Diary Of A Silent Retreat 1

Diary Of A Silent Retreat 2

Diary Of A Silent Retreat 3

Diary Of A Silent Retreat 4

Riding the elephants and the rapids

The Chongs and the Shins blessed Simon, Rinda and myself with two days in a four star hotel and two days tour around Chiang Mai. The second day, we just had to do the elephant thing. Watched the elephants do tricks like dance, paint and even take penalty kicks. Touched them, posed with them, fed them and rode on them. It was a 6 out of 10 experience, because of the waiting, waiting waiting. The Tupperware group of over a hundred salespersons from Malaysia were on an incentive trip. They were late and upset the schedules of everyone else.

riding God's mamoth creature

father n daughter: Francis and Ethel Shin

Rinda and Simon Tan

The highlight of the day came from whitewater rafting the Mae Taeng river. Driven up river to an attap facility, had a light lunch, given a demonstration of safety and teamwork, wore safety equipment and we were off. This was one unforgettable ride on Grade 3 river rapids. Unforgettable for the thrills and spills, getting stuck between two rocks in the rapids, and other incidents. Its about 10 km long and the rafting was close to 2 hours but time just rushed by by as we paddled, squealed, laughed, screamed, had anxious moments and got drenched to the skin.

Mae Taeng whitewater rafting

Mae Taeng river rafting









Sunny Chong shared some lessons from reflecting on the adventure:

1. To move ahead we have to work in unity. Everyone has to paddle together in the same direction.
2.  Let our hearts not be troubled, when we go over troubled waters.
3. In our life, there are always “Up & Downs” and “Twist & Turns”.
4. We may move very fast when the Flow is strong.
5. We may feel calm when the river is still and quiet (Psalm 23).
6. Sometimes we can feel depressed and get stuck between the rocks.
7. The Lord delivers us out of danger.
8. Always celebrate and rejoice on reaching a milestone along the journey.

Relaxing in Chiang Mai

coffee along the way

Releasing the tension

A bow bent for too long may break. So after a week of spiritual intensity, it was good to unwind the tension, and relax among friends, both old and new-found, on a one day tour to the waterfalls and to the highest mountain in Thailand, the Doi Inthanon. We set off with our English speaking tour guide, Lino, from Green World Travel, who was friendly, caring  and interesting company. The temperature was cool the higher up we went.

Rainbow at waterfall

At the Maeya waterfalls, we saw a beautiful rainbow beyond a “SLIPPERY ROUTE” sign. Certainly apt: we can always find the faithfulness of God, and the sign of better times, beyond danger and risk. With the spray upon us we had a refreshing and fun time just standing there, taking photos and taking the sights in of the beautiful Maeya waterfall, jungle and sky, and giving praise to the Maker.

beyond risk, is God's faithfulness

one of God's beautiful waterfalls

Theresa, Kenny, Sunny, Annie, Ethel, Deena, Irene, Francis

salt caked fish

The King’s garden

We next went to one of the King’s horticultural project along the slope of a mountain. We had lunch at a restaurant overlooking a valley. We gorged on barbecued chicken and salt covered barbecued fish we had purchased earlier at the waterfall stalls. We walked around  gardens, among lovely flowers of all kinds, fountains, and pine trees. It was afternoon. The weather was warm but dry. It had not rained since I arrived in Chiang Mai over ten days ago. The waterfalls and the mountain were symbols of what we have experienced in the silent retreat – the refreshing, the rainbow of hope, the spiritual heights.

in the King's horticultural project

Diary of a silent retreat 4

Thursday, 18th November:

squirrel just a stone's throw away

Squirrels- bushy tailed ones. There seemed to be several families, including little tots, sliding, waltzing and jetting rapidly without brakes nor care from branch to branch and tree to tree. They were amazing to watch. I found it so relaxing to just sit at the balcony and be entertained by their delightful dances in the trees.

Today I looked through the whole gospel of Luke and picked up the emotions of Jesus. His frustration, anger, sadness, tears, sorrow, rejoicing, happiness, rebuke, and distress. I thought David told me to relax but he directed me to do something that required a few hours scan through the gospel.

Obedience yielded treasures,  I found out.

Friday, 19th November:

birthday energizersMy birthday. Fifty five, and since 5 is the number of grace, I am expecting grace upon grace this year. The church members quietly wished me well. There were eight from WRPF including Simon and Rinda.The Shins and the Chongs gave me some energizing stuff to make this day celebrated away from home a comfort and a wee special. Others, who found out later gave me some well wishes on notes and candy.

Entered into the gospel story of the man with the withered hand healed by Jesus in the synagogue on the Sabbath. Jesus was very angry. Englightening time.

sharper than a two edged sword- his word

As I celebrated the final communion, I enjoyed feeding on Christ – His body and blood. What a beautiful mystery – this fellowship meal with the Triune God.  Hidden nutrition.

Saturday, 20th November:

early morning meditation before silence is broken

a return to reckless childlike abandon and joybefore silence is broken

Six days of complete silence ceased at breakfast. I’ve been hearing mini-explosions from firecrackers fired two nights before a festival called Loi Krathrong. At breakfast, there were explosions of joy, and laughter and conversations. The retreat concluded with sessions where they summarized and shared and each one were prayed for in the afternoon.

After saying thanks and goodbye to David, my morning was spent going deeper into the story and exploring further what insights the Lord had for me from the story. By afternoon, I was done and concluded my retreat by myself in praise and song.

the men garlanded with the "fragrance of Christ" at bft

Jenny n Irene

retreat celebration at Tsunami

The evening was a celebration at Tsunami. The pastors were all honoured and well cared for with a Japanese meal. As we headed to the Night Bazaar, we found ourselves caught in this jam along the river.

sunny and annie

hot air lanterns launched

As it turned out, the local folks were celebrating Loi Krathrong, a festival where they released decorated boats or 4 feet tall lanterns with light into the river or sky, to symbolize the release of bad luck, sin, sorrow or wishes, prayers and dreams. Firecrackers exploded and the night sky occasionally lighted up with fireworks. Hundreds of lighted lanterns slowly and silently rising up, drifting with the winds and the lights disappearing from sight made the night festive and nostalgic.

I felt like a newly serviced car, a computer that just went through a lengthy de-fragmentation process. A lantern just lighted up. A heart of flesh. Freshened. Enlightened. Encouraged.

the retreatants and sds

(Standing: Francis, Lee Hong, Siew Gin, Kenny, Theresa, Lisa, Irene, Deena, Ethel, Simon. Stooping: Sunny, John, Lye, Bernie, Jenny, Annie, Wendy, Rinda.)

Further information about retreats of different kinds conducted by Simon and Rinda Tan are available through their ministry Listening Inn.

Diary of a silent retreat 3

Monday, 15th November:


It was the third day of the retreat. Enter the story, my director tells me. Experience the moment, the whole scene.

The passage he gave me was the wedding at Cana.

Tell Jesus how you are feeling and what you need and listen as he speaks in your imagination.

This Ignatian way of meditation took time. But it was worth it for the Spirit was free to inspire my often unused right-brain to yield insights and applications otherwise missed by normal left-brained, logical, rational interpretation.

Relax, he reminded me.

getting food at dining area

free seating, eat as much as you want

The silence at mealtimes seemed odd but I got used to it. We avoided eye contact. Eyes can talk too, as lovers and children know. We ate in silence, even if those who sat opposite or beside were friends.
Annie and Deena- gd friends, side by side

Never liked food for the masses. Especially hotel food in church camps. The Thai food here was mostly rice, vegetables with slivers of pork or chicken, and gourd (and good) soup, and the occasional spicy dish(we had chicken curry once). But no complaints from anyone, which was unusual for Singaporeans, even Christians. Maybe the enforced silence.. haha. For me, I was happy with the food. Slowed down, with no distracting talk, my senses, including taste, became sensitive.

Tuesday, 16th November:

chapel 2

Be gentle with yourself, was his mantra to me. Was I so harsh with myself, or was he just warning me in advance, knowing my tendencies to condemn or judge myself? Be gentle, he kept saying.

You are suffering from burn-out, he said.

This was after having heard me for a few days. He had thus joined a chorus of pastor friends who had sung the same song. Well, that was why I was there.

Do not make any major decisions until after you have taken your sabbatical. Certainly, don’t make any major decisions here.

Was that a relief for me to hear? Not really, I did not enter into retreat with any intention of praying about making any major decisions.

Just enjoy Me, the Lord had said to me the morning before I left, and I have stayed with that word, since day one of the retreat.

Wednesday, 17th November:

communion every evening

Holy Communion every night. Eucharist sounded better. It means “thanksgiving”. Our reasonable response to his gifts as a coupleof blood and body is, Thank you Lord.Yes Lord!

Tonight was special. The Lord whispered, Everything I have is yours. My faith was stirred and joy bubbled up in song within.

Learned to doodle (see right) with my Samsung Jet Dynamic Canvas, some sketch software in my mobile. Yep, I guess I just had to touch something electronic. No laptop, no TV, no newspaper, no radio here in the desert.