A bow bent for too long may break. So after a week of spiritual intensity, it was good to unwind the tension, and relax among friends, both old and new-found, on a one day tour to the waterfalls and to the highest mountain in Thailand, the Doi Inthanon. We set off with our English speaking tour guide, Lino, from Green World Travel, who was friendly, caring and interesting company. The temperature was cool the higher up we went.
Rainbow at waterfall
At the Maeya waterfalls, we saw a beautiful rainbow beyond a “SLIPPERY ROUTE” sign. Certainly apt: we can always find the faithfulness of God, and the sign of better times, beyond danger and risk. With the spray upon us we had a refreshing and fun time just standing there, taking photos and taking the sights in of the beautiful Maeya waterfall, jungle and sky, and giving praise to the Maker.
The King’s garden
We next went to one of the King’s horticultural project along the slope of a mountain. We had lunch at a restaurant overlooking a valley. We gorged on barbecued chicken and salt covered barbecued fish we had purchased earlier at the waterfall stalls. We walked around gardens, among lovely flowers of all kinds, fountains, and pine trees. It was afternoon. The weather was warm but dry. It had not rained since I arrived in Chiang Mai over ten days ago. The waterfalls and the mountain were symbols of what we have experienced in the silent retreat – the refreshing, the rainbow of hope, the spiritual heights.
Squirrels- bushy tailed ones. There seemed to be several families, including little tots, sliding, waltzing and jetting rapidly without brakes nor care from branch to branch and tree to tree. They were amazing to watch. I found it so relaxing to just sit at the balcony and be entertained by their delightful dances in the trees.
Today I looked through the whole gospel of Luke and picked up the emotions of Jesus. His frustration, anger, sadness, tears, sorrow, rejoicing, happiness, rebuke, and distress. I thought David told me to relax but he directed me to do something that required a few hours scan through the gospel.
Obedience yielded treasures, I found out.
Friday, 19th November:
My birthday. Fifty five, and since 5 is the number of grace, I am expecting grace upon grace this year. The church members quietly wished me well. There were eight from WRPF including Simon and Rinda.The Shins and the Chongs gave me some energizing stuff to make this day celebrated away from home a comfort and a wee special. Others, who found out later gave me some well wishes on notes and candy.
Entered into the gospel story of the man with the withered hand healed by Jesus in the synagogue on the Sabbath. Jesus was very angry. Englightening time.
As I celebrated the final communion, I enjoyed feeding on Christ – His body and blood. What a beautiful mystery – this fellowship meal with the Triune God. Hidden nutrition.
Saturday, 20th November:
Six days of complete silence ceased at breakfast. I’ve been hearing mini-explosions from firecrackers fired two nights before a festival called Loi Krathrong. At breakfast, there were explosions of joy, and laughter and conversations. The retreat concluded with sessions where they summarized and shared and each one were prayed for in the afternoon.
After saying thanks and goodbye to David, my morning was spent going deeper into the story and exploring further what insights the Lord had for me from the story. By afternoon, I was done and concluded my retreat by myself in praise and song.
The evening was a celebration at Tsunami. The pastors were all honoured and well cared for with a Japanese meal. As we headed to the Night Bazaar, we found ourselves caught in this jam along the river.
As it turned out, the local folks were celebrating Loi Krathrong, a festival where they released decorated boats or 4 feet tall lanterns with light into the river or sky, to symbolize the release of bad luck, sin, sorrow or wishes, prayers and dreams. Firecrackers exploded and the night sky occasionally lighted up with fireworks. Hundreds of lighted lanterns slowly and silently rising up, drifting with the winds and the lights disappearing from sight made the night festive and nostalgic.
I felt like a newly serviced car, a computer that just went through a lengthy de-fragmentation process. A lantern just lighted up. A heart of flesh. Freshened. Enlightened. Encouraged.
It was the third day of the retreat. Enter the story, my director tells me. Experience the moment, the whole scene.
The passage he gave me was the wedding at Cana.
Tell Jesus how you are feeling and what you need and listen as he speaks in your imagination.
This Ignatian way of meditation took time. But it was worth it for the Spirit was free to inspire my often unused right-brain to yield insights and applications otherwise missed by normal left-brained, logical, rational interpretation.
Relax, he reminded me.
The silence at mealtimes seemed odd but I got used to it. We avoided eye contact. Eyes can talk too, as lovers and children know. We ate in silence, even if those who sat opposite or beside were friends.
Never liked food for the masses. Especially hotel food in church camps. The Thai food here was mostly rice, vegetables with slivers of pork or chicken, and gourd (and good) soup, and the occasional spicy dish(we had chicken curry once). But no complaints from anyone, which was unusual for Singaporeans, even Christians. Maybe the enforced silence.. haha. For me, I was happy with the food. Slowed down, with no distracting talk, my senses, including taste, became sensitive.
Tuesday, 16th November:
Be gentle with yourself, was his mantra to me. Was I so harsh with myself, or was he just warning me in advance, knowing my tendencies to condemn or judge myself? Be gentle, he kept saying.
You are suffering from burn-out, he said.
This was after having heard me for a few days. He had thus joined a chorus of pastor friends who had sung the same song. Well, that was why I was there.
Do not make any major decisions until after you have taken your sabbatical. Certainly, don’t make any major decisions here.
Was that a relief for me to hear? Not really, I did not enter into retreat with any intention of praying about making any major decisions.
Just enjoy Me, the Lord had said to me the morning before I left, and I have stayed with that word, since day one of the retreat.
Wednesday, 17th November:
Holy Communion every night. Eucharist sounded better. It means “thanksgiving”. Our reasonable response to his gifts of blood and body is, Thank you Lord.
Tonight was special. The Lord whispered, Everything I have is yours. My faith was stirred and joy bubbled up in song within.
Learned to doodle (see right) with my Samsung Jet Dynamic Canvas, some sketch software in my mobile. Yep, I guess I just had to touch something electronic. No laptop, no TV, no newspaper, no radio here in the desert.
The mornings and evenings were lovely and cool and the birds and squirrels always came alive with their song and dance routines. The afternoons were warm but not so humid.
“Relax, do whatever relaxes and refreshes you. Don’t force the scripture passage to yield anything. Just relax”. This was the advice my spiritual director Fr David Towsend, SJ, kept repeating over the next few days. Yes, we Singaporeans are always in the productivity game. Since walking relaxes me I took several long walks….and jogs. The Chiang Mai University is a mammoth campus, as I found out, during these explorations.
The other retreatants were going through a whole morning and afternoon of talks. The returning retreatants only needed to attend the morning sessions conducted by Simon and Rinda Tan. They each would meet with spiritual director Simon or Rinda daily for thirty or more minutes. Simon and Rinda were gracious to allow me to join the community as and when I wanted and to have the priest as my spiritual director. There were four pastors at the retreat(see pic below).
Silence began at dinner time. It would continue for the next six days. It’s the spiritual equivalent of not opening the oven too often to see if the cake was baked. Sharing prematurely would dissipate the depth to which the Lord wanted to work with us on an issue.
Sunday, 14th November:
Attended the Sunday morning mass. An hour and ten minutes. A liturgical service with scripture and sermonette interspersed with songs and climaxing with the Mass. Fr David Townsend spoke about why the Creeds were so important to the church and how it often required courage in the ancient days to recite them. There was certainly a price to pay for speaking the truth. John the Baptist knew that. When he saw Jesus he declared, Behold the Lamb of God, and straight away he lost two faithful members. Later he would lose his head, literally, again for speaking the truth. This business of truth speaking was serious stuff.
David had already given me a passage to meditate on and as it was Sunday, I did not meet with him.
Eat. Pray. Journal. Sleep. Getting into some kind of rhythm.
They tell me reading biographies is sort of okay during a silent retreat, unlike reading books on spiritual stuff that might lead me on a detour from what God is saying or doing inside me. The same goes for MP3 messages. So I brought along and finished “Born for Blessings” by Bishop Moses Tay. It was a straightforward account of his life and career as Bishop and then Archbishop. Was impressed that the Bishop, later Archbishop, was very committed to the Lord’s work in his youth and later as a general practitioner. He received his University of London theological education via correspondence and was ordained a priest while still in medical practice. Bi-vocational- this is something the church will see more of in the future, I believe! Anyway this book offers an insider’s view of what happened in the upper echelons of the Anglican communion during the denomination’s recent turmoils.
Just some notes for readers to get an idea of what a silent retreat looks and feel like. Nothing matches the experience though. Of course what happens in the interior life remains private in my own journal. However, brief diary notes over the next few days may give readers an idea of what it was like. Hopefully they may want to have a retreat themselves.
Thursday, 11th November:
Here I am. The common response when God beckons His own. Here I am. Half a day of travel, with an hour’s transit in Bangkok. Half a day to settle into the Seven Fountains retreat house in Chiangmai. Mine was a little room with a view and a balcony on the corner of the third floor of Block 2.
Here I am Lord.
Had a cheap and good Japanese meal before the retreat proper began. Tsunami is just three minutes walk to the left as you walked out the entrance gate of the retreat house.
To view videos clips of the Seven fountains grounds see below:
Friday, 12th November:
It was good to begin. House rules and orientation. Shown the different blocks, chapels and dining area and other spaces. Simon and Rinda brought us out to the Chiang Mai University lake area just fifteen minutes away.
Watched the “Bucket List” movie, which gave new meaning to the scripture catchphrase, Watch and pray. Hmmm….what would my bucket list look like?
The dining hall was still crowded with animated conversations.
