Inviting the Mystic, Supporting the Prophet: book reflection

Initially I was intrigued by the title of this book written by Katherine Marie Bykman & Patrick Carroll. It caught my curiosity. As I read the foreword and introduction, I felt drawn to the authors’ thesis as it was something I wholeheartedly agreed with: the tests of authentic prayer are in the fruit of the praying life or the community. I was interested in the relationship between prayer and service, mystic and prophet. 

I was not disappointed as the authors describe the symbiotic relationship between the mystic and the prophet in the believer’s life. “The starting point is not as important as that the circle be complete: prayer leading to life, and life leading to prayer. Real prayer leads to involvement; real involvement leads to prayer. Deeper spirituality impels to action; action impels to deeper spirituality, and the circle continues and deepens. The mystic becomes prophet, the prophet becomes mystic” (Dykman & Carrol, 80).  I used to believe that every plan or service should spring from prayer, but now I am willing to concede that for some people, action came first, and I should not disparage some “prayerless” action, but guide such active persons to seek God in prayer more.

I like the authors’ description of spiritual direction. It is not narrowly confined to the guided development of the directees’ prayer life, but a journey with them in their larger faith development, which includes conversion, struggle, integration, awareness of reality and a call to radical love, not just the prayer life.  The call to radical love would include immersion in works of service, justice and compassion. “All these holy people are holy not just because they pray or write eloquently about that prayer, but because their prayer leads them to respond to Christ in the given historical cultural moment. All of them respond in a unique way to unique situations in which they find the Lord calling to his people. But all respond outside themselves in service. Each mystic becomes a prophet”(Dykman & Carrol, 82). This reminded me how this emphasis on mission and service is so similar to Ignatian prayer spirituality.

The chapter on PRAYING THROUGH THE DESERT is particularly enlightening for me. The authors gave two descriptions of the desert experience in prayer: one from St John of the Cross of the 16th Century mystic and poet, and another through Thomas Merton a 20th Century mystic and poet. I found both helpful and complementary. The advice to spiritual directors leading others through the desert experience is to help the directee look at his or her larger or entire life. “We cannot judge our prayer, whether it be consoling or desolate, by how we feel when we pray, but rather by how we are loving when we live” (62). A person’s prayer life may be desert-like but an examen of his life may reveal God’s loving activities and presence in many areas of his life of service. This helps him see that God’s love is as strong as ever and that the desert may be God’s way of moving on the purification of his faith in and love for God and not the result of his sin.

I enjoyed this book and found myself underlining many sentences and paragraphs. These definitely deserve further reflection and discussion with the Lord. 

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“Inviting the Mystic, Supporting the Prophet”: book reflection

Initially I was intrigued by the title. It stoked my curiosity. As I read the foreword and introduction, I felt drawn to the authors’ thesis as it was something I wholeheartedly agreed with: the tests of authentic prayer are in the fruit of the praying life or community. I was interested in the relationship between prayer and service, the mystic and prophet. 

I was not disappointed as the authors describe the symbiotic relationship between the mystic and the prophet in the believer’s life. “The starting point is not as important as that the circle be complete: prayer leading to life, and life leading to prayer. Real prayer lead to involvement; real involvement leads to prayer. Deeper spirituality impels to action; action impels to deeper spirituality, and the circle continues and deepens. The mystic becomes prophet, the prophet becomes mystic” (Dykman & Carrol, 80).  For me it has been deeper prayer leading me to more involvement in life and service, and I must concede that deeper involvement in service had driven me often to God in helplessness and hope. It drew me more into prayer.

Spiritual Direction

I liked the authors’ description of spiritual direction. It was not narrowly confined to the guided development of the directees’ prayer life, but a journey with them in their faith development, which includes conversion, struggle, integration, awareness of reality, and a call to radical love.  The call to radical love would include immersion in works of service, justice and compassion. “All these holy people are holy not just because they pray or write eloquently about that prayer, but because their prayer leads them to respond to Christ in the given historical cultural moment. All of them respond in a unique way to unique situations in which they find the Lord calling to his people. But all respond outside themselves in service. Each mystic becomes a prophet”(Dykman & Carrol, 82). This reminded me how this emphasis on mission and service is so similar to Ignatian spirituality. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises led people into an experience of forgiveness of sins, and commitment to Christ, and a life of service and praise to the Creator and Redeemer.

Dark Night or Desert Experience

I found the chapter on PRAYING THROUGH THE DESERT is particularly enlightening. The authors gave two descriptions of the desert experience in prayer: one from St John of the Cross, the 16th Century mystic and poet, and another through Thomas Merton a 20th Century mystic and poet. St John of the Cross described three signs in prayer that indicated that God was inviting a person to deeper levels of prayer. First, one experiences the frustration and lack of satisfaction from discursive meditation which majored on study, analysis, and abstractions. Words, thoughts, concepts, principles does not quench the spiritual thirst. Second, one finds it challenging to focus or a particular subject or fix the imagination. The logical is dead, the intuition is alive. Third, despite difficulties in prayer, one still had the desire to be with the Lord, to have solitude and prayer. Even though God seems far away. The wise counsel of St John of the Cross is for the spiritual director to help direct to look at his or her larger context and entire life, to see how God had been active and working in and around him or her. “We cannot judge our prayer, whether it be consoling or desolate, by how we feel when we pray, but rather by how we are loving when we live” (62). A person’s prayer life may be desert-like but an examen of his life may reveal God’s loving activities and presence in many areas of his life of service. This helps him see that God’s love is as strong as ever and that the desert may be God’s way of moving on the purification of his faith in and love for God and not the result of his sin.

Thomas Merton demystified the term. Merton sees in what he prefers to describe as a “desert experience”, a call to be faithful to a life of prayer despite spiritual dryness and blandness. It required a faith that was unsupported by a sense of God’s presence, a faith that blindly, faithfully, persistently continues its quest of intimacy despite dryness, feeling of hopelessness, meaninglessness and even discouragement and anguish. Often the person in the desert will blame himself for “moving away from God” through his sin, idols or failures. He or she needs a director to discern God’s loving and quiet action in the larger perspective of a whole life, not just the current period of desert experience.

I enjoyed this book and found myself underlining many sentences and paragraphs. These definitely deserve further study, reflection and meditation. 

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Spiritual Direction Formation Program Has Begun

I have begun my Spiritual Direction Formation Program: the last two Saturdays were intensive sessions from 9am to 5pm. In the first introductory session we were introduced to the history of this program, to the spiritual directors, formators, supervisors, and lecturers. They shared with us who they were and how they entered this ministry and the joy and growth it brought them. All the participants shared our stories too: how we chose to sign up for this formation course.

Course Components

The course would have as its main aim to form the life of the future spiritual directors. Form, not train, because it is not about mere skills, but the forming of our disposition, inner life, and values. A few of the components of this formation is each student meeting with an assigned spiritual director every two or three weeks for the duration of the course. I had already met with my spiritual director twice before the sessions began. We will also be in silent retreats every semester with the number of days increased each time. There would be input seminars for learning content. Books to read of course. Supervision, at a later stage. This is off the cuff from what I remember. 

I enjoyed the sessions thus far. Hearing the stories of all the participants, teachers and learners, in the first session was inspiring and moving. I was surprised I had stayed alert from 9am to 5.30pm that day. Of course, I shared my story too: what was in my last blogpost. No need to re-invent the wheel. The second Saturday, was more content based, but done in such a way there was fun interaction in groups of 5 and questions and answers with the lecturer/formator. Sister Linda Lizada from the Cenacle Sisters taught the session. Teach less, learn more. I also got to know more of my fellow course-mates and felt blessed and privileged because they share with authenticity and vulnerability.

We were blessed with good bento food and tea breaks and we have a firm but friendly safety officer, herself a trained spiritual director, who made sure of social distancing and safety measures were taken, like eating in your small groups.

On A Personal Note

I have two friends as course-mates. One is Ps Seng Chor, a retired pastor like me, with whom I have gone on retreats with, and with whom I am in a 1-2-3 group sharing group. The other is Juliana, whom I knew from a camino, and our work with the team at Iganatian Journey, that organizes retreats and caminos.

I met a fellow participant with whom I resonated with. She had been praying and writing in to the Life Direction team asking when they would run another course. They had run this course three times in the past and it has been about ten years since the last one. So this would be the fourth locally run course and I am glad to be on it for it had been my prayer too. There are overseas courses available but I preferred a local one for its local context, and the ongoing community with which I can receive further input, supervision and support.

I am also thankful that my grown-up children told me they would sponsor the remaining shortfall in fees. They are really kind and generous and I am blessed to have such children. In more ways than I can number, they have showered me with gifts and support and encouragement. I would have missed out on this course had it not been for the intervention of the Lord through an anonymous giver, and another pastor friend who helped substantially in the fees. I am glad and excited because this is part of a new chapter in my life.

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Why Pursue Spiritual Direction Course

I am thankful that by God’s grace, my parents who were not church goers sent me to Sunday School in Bukit Timah Evanglical Free Church when I was in primary school. For a few years of intermittent attendance, I was introduced to Jesus, the gospel stories, the church. Even after I stopped attending, I was more open to Christianity. Thank you Lord, for without my knowing it, you were already wooing me when I was a young boy.

This divine wooing resumed when I was in secondary four, for a friend passed me a yellow booklet called “The Four Spiritual Laws”. I read it a few times and prayed the sinner’s prayer a few times. However, I told no one and my faith was inert, a dead faith. Thank God this would not remain so for too long. The wind of the Spirit blew where it willed and he chose to come like a monsoon that rained upon the nation in the early 1970s. 

Spiritual Intensity

I was caught up in this spiritual revival that was poured out upon the nation. One of the theatres of spiritual stirrings begun in Dunearn Secondary Technical School (where NJC now sits) and spread rapidly to other students from various schools through the inter-school youth meetings of those days. Many experienced a crying revival of repentance and transformation, with the baptism of the Spirit with speaking in tongues. My life with God was intense, purgative, deep, empowering, life-changing, unforgettable. It laid the foundation for what God had for me in later years. I found myself driven with great earnestness towards spiritual disciplines, even to extremes at times. There was a great hunger for God and the things of God.  I grew in scripture knowledge, involvement in ministry, discipling, teaching, preaching, and leadership responsibilities. I experienced many intimate and intense moments with God in lengthy days of prayer and fasting. I experienced the thrill of being used by God in spiritual gifts as I ministered in the church, receiving affirmation and helping me see what vocation God had for me. Lord this was a beautiful, memorable time in my salvation history. It is so sacred, so holy and something I treasure so much. Thank you, Lord. 

The intensity and depth of the Spirit’s work in my soul led me to answer God’s call to the pastoral ministry. It was done with much consultation with the elders and with much patience and submission. The regular scripture meditations stacked up to finally quit cadet teaching and enter full-time Christian vocational work in church, with the elders’ approval. My theological education commenced with Tung Ling Bible School and then Trinity Theological College. By then the revival had waned, and so had my fire of intimacy with God, buried as I was in dry theological readings and assignments. 

Pastoral Ministry & Burnout

Pastoral ministry was challenging and for many reasons I felt overwhelmed at times. During my forty years of pastoral work, I can clearly identify two periods of burnout. In both bouts it was the Lord who came to my rescue. I ended up in both times in retreat houses and found my recovery through silent retreats and spiritual direction. The stillness and silence, the separation from the normal busyness and distractions helped me to draw close to God and hear from him more clearly. Cleansing and release came and hope was restored, and in both occasions I returned to pastoral ministry renewed, refueled, reconfigured with a new operating system.

This led me to wish that I had experienced the blessings of contemplative prayer and soul care earlier in the pastoral ministry for then I would have been more effective and be able to bring more credit to my Lord. I cannot rewrite the past but I can help others who have the whole future ahead of them in pastoral ministry or leadership. I do feel for younger pastors in ministry plodding and navigating the very challenging seascape of church today. Burnout and discouragement and disillusionment are real threats to cutting short God’s assignment for them.

In His Time

I saw no training for spiritual direction in Singapore and began praying for one to open up. I tried to sign up for overseas training but the timings in both cases were not right for me.  When Life Direction Singapore decided to run a course, I attended the introductory. However, I found the fees for the twenty-one months course beyond me and decided not to attend. God intervened miraculously and an anonymous giver I do not know at all offered to cover half of the $10,000 fees. God knew the longing of my heart and my need to be equipped and removed the obstacle that blocked me from saying Yes to God’s invitation. For this Lord, I give you thanks with all my heart for even in my retirement you have assignments for me and the supply of grace, gifts and provision would be there. Amen and amen.

 

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Stirrings From My “Sabbatical”

My staying away from church was meant to be time away from the church so that the new pastor of the English congregation could establish his leadership and bond with the people in peace. For me this has become a blessing partly because this separation was not painful or stressful. Not painful because I was unseen in church but present in spirit through the online services. I also did not have to plan in which church to hide myself. It has become a sabbatical of sorts for me. I could not travel out of the country. I stayed home most of the time, which suited me fine, as I am a homebody. Interestingly, while the ground was “fallow” during the past year, something was stirring deep within my soul – at least three stirrings I can discern thus far.

Writing

One was the stirring to write. Straight after my official retirement, it was prophesied over me that I should write.  God has given me the enablement, inspiration and desire to write. I have organized ideas for two booklets, and I have more or less collated material for one and now have to learn how convert my material into an e-book. I have begun work on my second book idea but I can see it will take some time as I am working at a leisurely pace without any deadline pressures. Pray for me please.

Evangelistic Preaching

Another stirring has to do with an amazing shift in interest and desire from teaching God’s Word to preaching/proclaiming the Good News. During forty years of pastoral ministry my main focus was explaining and teaching scriptures to God’s people, making truths understood in clear, simple words and without jargon. I always shunned from evangelistic preaching. It was not my gift. Or so I thought. Now I found myself preaching with an evangelistic zeal and intention I never had before. Even though I knew that I was preaching to the saved and converted, I would include evangelistic content and appeals. God is stirring my heart to pray for an anointing for preaching the Gospel and for the salvation of souls. I saw this develop in my past few sermons. They all had an evangelistic thrust and passion. I believe God is up to something exciting because that is how I feel about this shift. I feel motivated to retool myself and I am praying for an anointing to do this work. Pray for me.

Spiritual Direction

The third stirring is a desire to be formed and trained for spiritual direction. Since it was in silent retreats and through the ministry of spiritual direction that I was saved after experiencing two burnouts, I feel indebted and enthusiastic about making this ministry available to more people. I have tried on two occasions to attend such formation courses but both timings were not right. Then during the recent months an opportunity arose with an ecumenical group of experienced spiritual directors feeling led of the Lord to run a course in Singapore. I nearly did not sign up, but for an anonymous donor who generously offered to pay for half of the fees of the course. I saw this as the Lord’s intervention and invitation to me. Starting in the new year, I begin my twenty one months formation course in spiritual direction. Pray for me please. 

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